Your Ghost In January (Your Lie In April/Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso Fanfiction)

🌸ONE: Silence🌸(Unedited)

KOUSEI ARIMA P. O. V.

"Hold on." 

Just a little. Just wait for me.

"Don't go."

Don't. You can't. Please. Don't leave me.

"Let's argue again." 

Please. Please. I don't like it when we argue, but I'll do it. I want to talk to you. I want to- 

"I'll bribe you with a canelé." 

I will. Will that bring you back? 

My glasses fog up. It's... It's my tears. Because I miss you. Please. Please come back. 

"I'll call you to kill time." 

I miss your phone calls. What's the point in answering the phone anymore? It's never going to be you.

"I don't mind being Friend A." 

I really don't. Come back. Come back. Please... Please! I'll be your Friend A. 

"Please don't go."

I miss you. 

"Please don't go." 

I want you here with me. 

"Please don't go!" 

Kaori... 

"...Please don't leave me alone."

Please don't leave me. You can't. You just can't. I miss you Kaori. I love you. I love you, I love you! Remember that in your letter? You said you loved me. But does it matter anymore? 

Life isn't fair. It's been a year without you Kaori. Spring'll be here soon. It'll be here without you. 

Remember those cherry blossoms? They were beautiful. They reminded me of you. But it's January, the coldest month of Japan, and there are no cherry blossoms. But. have you ever noticed how the snow looks like tumbling cherry blossoms? Hey, that's something you would say. I guess even after a year without you, your presence still affected me. You know that picture you gave me, Kaori? I kept it. I can't believe you've wanted to talk to me for all those years. I can't believe I ignored you for all these years. 

It's not you fault you left. You couldn't help it. You did the surgery, but it didn't work. 

I can't help but let my thoughts wander... Could it somehow be my fault? 

You died quicker because of the surgery. And why did you have the surgery immediately? Me. Because of me. Maybe if I made sure you'd waited, you'd still be here. I want you here, Kaori. I want you with me. 

The first couple months were alright, though. Remember our last performance together, our symphony? It left me with a bittersweet memory. That sweet letter? It helped me cope. 

But after all this time of thought, I feel worse. 

I shouldn't say that, should I? I mean, you're dead. Up in heaven. Are you watching me? 

Are you making sure I don't ever forget you? 

Remember when you asked me that in your letter? "Don't forget me, that's a promise, okay?" 

Why do you ask that a lot? Is that a fear of yours? That you'll be forgotten? 

As if anyone could forget you, Kaori. You were able to live inside my heart, in fact, you barged right in without knocking.

Kaori, you reached me. But did I reach you? 

A slight nudge brought out of my deep thought. It was a girl that I didn't know, I only knew she went to my High School. She jerked her head at the clock, and I realized class had ended. What were we discussing this period? I don't recall a thing.