FINGERTIPS ║ Larry Stylinson

39 ║ Too Far

October 21st

When Louis woke up on Wednesday, he stared at the ceiling for a little while, letting the memories from last night fly back up to his mind. He silently lifted the duvet covering his body and slowly walked to his kitchen, closing the bedroom door carefully behind him. When he arrived in the kitchen, it was still pretty dark so he switched the light on. A quick glance at the window proved that the weather was not getting any better. It was heavily raining and Louis sighed loudly at the thought of running through the campus under torrents of water falling from the sky. He made some tea for himself and left the box on the counter. He sat down at the small table in the middle of the kitchen, turning his laptop on to work a bit on the next optional assignment. He didn't really have any good idea, but it was almost done so he didn't really worry about it.
After he took a quick shower, and put on the clothes he had chosen the previous night, he went back to his room to grab his bag and Adidas windbreaker. One of his book fell flat on the ground and he stopped moving, taking a look at the bed. The covers moved a bit and he heard a whine before Zayn's tired face appeared. Louis cursed himself under his breath and walked up to his best friend. During their conversation the night before, Zayn had ended up crying and Louis had preferred to keep him at his place rather than sending him home in that state. He sat down on the edge of the bed. Zayn's eyes was blood shot, his dark hair was a mess, strands falling all over his face.

"How are you feeling?" Louis asked slowly with a lower voice.

He didn't want to push him. Not after what he had learnt, not after he had found out the truth about this whole messed up situation, that was actually even more messed up than he had thought it was. He placed one of his small hand on the younger boy's knee, over the duvet. Zayn shrugged and ran his hand through his hair.

"There's nothing much in the fridge but I am going to stop at the shop after my second period, what would you want me to bring you?"

Zayn shook his head and forced a smile onto his lips.

"I'll do with what you have now, it's alright."
"There's only water and beers in the fridge, Zayn."

The dark brown haired boy frowned and opened his eyes, but when he spotted the embarrassed look painted over Louis' face, he changed his mind. He discreetly look down to his friend's body. It was not even visible under the layers of clothes. Louis looks incredibly small. He had tried not to notice the prominent bones popping under his skin, many times. It was wrong, he knew it. He just didn't know how to face the frightening truth. Was he supposed the ask Louis questions about it? He didn't want to throw this at his face, to force him to face the reality. It would just make things much harder for the older boy.

"Just some cereals, you know which one I like." Zayn said.

Louis nodded and smiled before he stood up again. He was not sure if he was even close to be ready to sit in a classroom full of people, smell the mix of everyone's perfume burning his nostrils and hammering his head. Definitely not, but he still had a bit of strength left to do it. He knew once he would enter the building, his heart would speed up into his chest, his eyes would burn and his hands would tremble in his pockets. That was how it was. He could not have any control on anything anymore, he would just have to endure silently. Endure the pain in his articulations. Endure the anxiety running through his organism and throwing his stomach upside down, crashing his lungs and blocking his trachea. Endure the cold but the nervous sweat drops rolling down his back.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours, make yourself at home, okay?" Louis said, standing in the bedroom doorway.

Zayn nodded and laid back down onto the mattress after he waved at his best friend. Louis was quickly parked on the parking lot of the campus. He took a moment to look outside, knowing he would have to run. His chest was really painful today and he breathed in deeply and opened the door. He couldn't run, there was no way his body would ever be able to create enough energy to make him run more then a couple of meters. So he walked, trying to move his legs quickly so he wouldn't be stared at like he was a freak. But his legs didn't agree. He couldn't bring his body down so much, deprive it from food and energy and still hope for it to work perfectly. It was not how it worked. His body was on the verge of falling apart entirely, joining his happiness under the ground. He kept on pushing it, again and again, but it wouldn't work, not after so much pain. His ribs were still painful and his wrist was throbbing, he hadn't really taken care of anything lately. So it shouldn't be a surprise. It shouldn't have been a surprised when his legs stopped working and he collapsed on the ground. His palms fell flat on the soaked rough tarmac and he hissed painfully when his bony knees hit the hard floor. He cursed under his breath and tried to convince himself he had simply tripped over a rock. But there was no rock, and the asphalt covered with water wasn't slippery. But Louis wouldn't admit it. He wouldn't admit it, even if he had to stay crouching under the pouring rain for five minutes because his legs wouldn't listen to his orders. His body was about to give up on him. It was tired, exhausted by Louis' endless torture. When a hand was felt on his shoulder, he looked up, his cheeks burning under his tears and bright pink from the shame building under his pale skin. He could barely see anything through the thick rain curtain. The person squatted in front of him.