What happens when you keep secrets? You keep one person happy, but at what cost? Sometimes is it better tell the secret?
The drama never stops in real life, at least not mine. One thing after the next, until it breaks you, yet it still doesn't yield...
Miserable summer, turns to miserable fall. More gossip as the leaves turn brown and die off. School starts as I continue to search for the best way to be free of all my pain. The biggest problem I have is that I know I can't be caught, it must be fast and painless.
As the pastor ends the closing prayer, a homeschooled friend comes over to me and tells me that she has something to say to me. So we head outside alone where she tells me that she is in trouble with her parents, and what she did. Then her tone gets lighter as she drifts into a more causal conversation. Then she starts talking about Jane.
She tells me about how Jane pregnant again, this time with a little girl. Then to explain to me how she found out, she tells me that her and her mother have been in contact with my sister since the beginning of summer. I guess I can't trust anyone, not friends nor family.
The only things left to do for now is to mentally learn that it is ok to be hated by your only sister whom you dearly loved, to be ok with the thought that she lied over and over again, and to be fine with most family and friends lying.
Lately I've been looking toward Halloween, I get to help with the FFA haunted house and scare people. Then suddenly I'm scared for a few days after Halloween. This morning my brother had gotten another message from Jane. She doesn't know yet how Jack tells us what she tells him. "Oh, Jane messaged me. Saying she is coming up on November 3rd to pick up a dog."
What if she finds me? What if I run into her? What if one of my many, similar, nightmares that keep me from sleeping actually play out? If I see her would I run away as all my friends and family forgive her?
Last night at the haunted house, there was a time where nothing was happening, so naturally almost all the Ag kids go outside to mess around. As I'm left to my own thoughts, I mindlessly wonder towards my car, so I just get in the back seat for a while and just sit. My only company being my thoughts. I can't help but to freak out about soon the being of November is, how much time until she comes back. Since I'm alone, I have no fear in silently crying. Then my thoughts rage on, thinking of every time she wronged us. Until unto her person care to whom we were to scare, and I quickly wiped at my eyes and ran to the Ag barn to get in place.
Right after going to lunch today I go to my grandparents house, since we live on the same property I only walk. As a weekly chore, usually Fridays, I clean their nearly spotless bathroom for twenty-five to thirty dollars. When I'm done my Grandma again asked if I've heard from my sister. "No," then I make a mistake "but, Jane has told Jack that she she will be here either on the 3rd or 4th, I don't really remember which day."
"Oh really? I hope I get to see her, don't you?" I just sat there not able to tell her. I knew she wouldn't listen to me if I told her no. "But don't you miss her?"
"Yeah, I miss her, and I love her, it I'm also scared to see her. I don't know how-"
"Yeah. But you do miss her..." and just started rambling on about how I should ave already forgave her, and how my mother should have. Then she says something about my mother when she was a teenager, how my mother got pregnant before she was married, and she just kept attacking my mom.
The days she was supposed to be here has gone and past. I haven't seen her, but that doesn't mean she isn't here. I no know where she has been. With my blank Facebook account, I was checking to see if she had posted. Nothing. On her page, I find something that they be of value. "Groups". She is a member in two groups: "Elk County Lost & Found Pets", and "814 Classifieds". With a little Google search, Wikipedia is able to tell me what towns and cities are in Elk County, PA. Another quick search, "St Marys Pennsylvania" and I look under "Google Maps".
I almost want to give up before I remember something, the last message Jane sent to Dad. Jane- "Ps we have a Taco Bell here!" Sent on 8/14/17
While staying on Maps, I search for "Taco Bell" and how nice it is that there is only one in this County. St Marys, PA.
The only reason I said I'd go to church this morning was for dad, because if I didn't he'd get mad at me. As I look around I realize that I'm in a room full of liars who preach against lying. The pastor and his wife both pretending that they haven't heard a word from Jade, and two other families doing the same. Even my own dad lied before about not hearing from Jade.
When the lengthy service was over, almost every gathered near the doors just to talk. As I watch little Thomas drop his blanket to go play outside, I had the idea of picking it up at messing with him a little. I try to get his attention before he steps outside, but I'm too late.
"You should go outside to play with him." Tabitha tells me. And I do.
When I return I hear the tale end of the conversation that was going on since I left. "Yeah, she said it might take her three or so days to come" "I'm not even sure where she is coming from" "I think its either Pennsylvania or Washington" "Yeah I don't know either". Jade. They about her. That's why they wanted me to go outside.
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