Carousels & Coffins

Chapter 16

Gerard lay on the floor, a writhing mass of stray cats on the floor with him. Not all of the cats were in this amalgam-esque formation, however; in fact, most of them were just on Gerard. The vampire didn't seem to mind, however, and scarcely noticed as Frank walked in the door. He was facing the fire escape, where long black curtains served as the only thing between him and the toxic light behind them. Frank knelt down next to him.

"Gerard..."

Gerard inhaled suddenly and sniffed. He exhaled slightly.

He was crying.

"Gerard, babe, no..." Frank lifted his head into his lap and rolled him over. "Oh my god! Why did you do that?"

In this moment, the puffiness of Gerard's eyes could not be attributed solely to his crying. Amidst the tears, there was a horizontal stripe of burnt skin along his right cheekbone, which had caused his face to swell slightly. Sunlight danced on the floor where his head had been, its warm luminescence now seeming more and more comparable to the fires of hell. It peeked out from between the thick curtains with a feigned innocence, casting itself in stripes along the ground. Blisters marked the path of the sun across Gerard's face. He began to cry harder when Frank saw, shame dripping out of his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

"Baby, no! Don't do that!" Hovering his fingertips over the burn, Frank asked, "Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

Through stifled sobs, Gerard replied, "At first it did, but I couldn't bring myself to move? I couldn't bring myself to move, and now it's just numb. I wouldn't get out of my own way, and now you're just numb. I should have moved for you. My stubborn ass ruined it. I ruined everything."

"Gerard, what are you talking about? Nothing is ruined, I'm not numb! In fact, just being around you practically gives me sensory overload! Jesus Christ, we had a fight! People have fights! Nothing is ruined, I'm not just going to go away. One fight can't ruin anything, not when you care this much. It's okay, please don't cry, I came in here to apologize."

He leaned down and pressed his lips to Gerard's brow bone, a kiss meant to heal both physical and emotional wounds. At the extension of this olive branch, the vampire began to sob into Frank's shirt. He held onto Frank's torso until the sun began to set.

"Hey, let's get in bed. I'll feed the cats, wait for me there, okay? Just wait."

Gerard crawled into bed and threw himself onto a mound of pillows. After feeding the cats, Frank followed, pulling his fallen angel into himself, shielding him from the world. Sleep overcame them in time, and meanwhile, they became increasingly distant from the world as they formed their own.

"GO, Mikey. I'll be fine. Ray, get him out of here, you guys need to go. NOW. Before Bert and his crew of fucking lackeys start shit. Go."

"Don't be scared, pet, just tell me which one is the birthday boy!"

"Screaming babies are such pests, but screaming adults..."

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

"Excuse me, that was rather impolite. I do the biting around here, lovely..."

"All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel..."

"Don't tell him, Os! What the fuck do you want? Haven't you ruined my life enough?"

"This one?"

"POP goes the weasel!"

"Don't you dare fucking touch him!"

"Well, happy birthday!"

Gerard's eyes snapped open, hot with tears. He was paralyzed in his fear, lost in his own mind and in the blood swirling in his eyes. There was a muffled, foggy silence. Please don't touch him, leave him alone, please...

The rise and fall of breaths in his ear slowed down time. Everything was slow, and after some time, his breathing was calm. He moved his fingers. He threw himself into the warmth at his side.

The muted sounds around him came into focus.

"Shhh... I know, shhh."

There was no questioning, no demand for an explanation. He was accepted in his agony and held fast in spite of it. Wiping his tears, he sat up and looked Frank directly in the eyes. If he couldn't trust Frank, who'd never doubted him, who could he trust?

"I need to tell you about your—our—nightmares."

Frank furrowed his brows. Gerard had nightmares too? He was thrilled to hear that Gerard was opening up, but concerned by the tears streaming down his face, staining the bed. He came to the conclusion that the tears and the truth were a package deal. No one could open the Pandora's box of their past without letting some tragedy slip out.

"When I was starting out in MCR, I met a guy named Bert McCracken. Bert... well, I was fond of Bert. We were friends. I trusted him. God, I wish I'd never met him."

"The guy in the bar," Frank said, listening intently. Gerard winced at the memory. Frank grabbed his hand and held it firmly. "It's okay."

"I don't know how long we knew each other, or how long I let him in for. He got under my skin. He used me. He fucked me over. Robert McCracken killed me in my mother's house five years ago and brought me back with a flash of his teeth. In the same movement, he left me alone. He abandoned me. Next day I tried to go outside and almost fucking disintegrated. Bert likes to play with people. He played me, and he played you, and now we're both just pawns in his little fucking game. He and his fucking henchmen killed everyone in that bar, save for Os, but he should have, because Os is fucked up now, and then he ruined your fucking life. He's the reason you're stuck with me. He's the reason you can't go to the fucking grocery store and buy an apple and eat it on your couch with your family. And I'm so sorry about that. It's my fault. I'm sorry, I'm the reason he went to your party. It's just that Os had told me about you, and that it was your birthday, and that he wanted me to meet you! I was excited and I fucking ruined your life and I'm so sorry you have to spend all your time with my worthless ass in the darkest corner of the world every day. I'm sorry."

Just then, another sob caught in Gerard's throat, and he let it overtake him.

"He turned me? He turned us?"

Gerard nodded, and Frank blinked in shock.

So that's why Gerard was so hard to win over. The last time he'd let someone in, he'd been betrayed beyond repair. Frank was hurt for a moment, to have been kept in the dark, but then he remembered Ray's advice: pushing him is only going to make him recede into his shell of moody drawings and artsy sadness again.

He opened his mouth to speak.

"Gerard... please don't ever call yourself worthless again. How fucking dare you? You're the best thing that's happened to me in a very long time. Not the whole traumatic death part, but the rest of it. I consume...other red substances on the couch, with a new family. Of course I miss my life. But I fucking love this one. And I love that I met you. As for Bert, what a piece of shit? Anyone making you feel this way deserves the fucking death penalty. Thank you for telling me, okay? Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for being with me. Thank you."

He reached over to touch the elder vampire, but Gerard jerked away. Frank let his hand hover.

"Did I say something wrong?"

Gerard stood up and ran over to the fire escape, looking around wildly. Frank was stung by the rejection, but took in stride. He waited for Gerard to come back. Still looking out of the fire escape, he spoke.

"Frank, you never say anything wrong. But you don't understand. I just saw...outside...I thought I saw them. Frank, you don't get it. The nightmares mean... they mean that they're coming for us."