What I Want

Chapter 9: Never Cross The Child of a Villain

After breakfast, Mal excused herself to go to the bathroom. As she pulled her pants down, a small baggie of morning after pills fell out of her pocket. Knowing Mal well, Evie must have put it in there last night while they were packing. Still, Mal realized she was going to have to get her own birth control pills soon if she and Ben were going to continue doing what they were. Anyway, she grabbed a paper cup from the cup dispenser on the sink, filled it with water, and drank it with the pill. After using the bathroom and washing her hands, she stepped out to find Ben deep in thought.

"What's going through your mind?" she asked.

"You, as always," Ben replied.

"You do know that I'm not the only thing in the universe."

"Sometimes I wish it was just you and I so we wouldn't have to deal with stuff."

"Well, too bad. Get over it cupcake. We all have stuff to deal with."

"And there's another reason I love you," Ben laughed.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not afraid to be a little harsh, especially when I need it. You're brutally honest. I like that. I don't have to worry about you keeping things from me even when it hurts."

"You still don't know everything about me."

"I know, but I'll learn. I'm patient. I'm willing to wait for you to tell me things. What I'm saying is that you only tell me things that I need to hear even if I don't want to. Does that make sense?"

"I think so. Basically, you're glad that I won't keep you in the dark about important stuff, even if it is something you don't want to hear."

"Exactly."

"Well, now that this conversation is all cleared up, tell me, what exactly were you thinking about?"

"This morning. I was worried I had hurt you. I could tell something was a little off when we made our way down to the dining room. Did I hurt you?"

"Ben, I'll admit, yes I'm a bit sore, but I asked for it. I told you to make it where I don't walk right for a week, but you definitely didn't hurt me. I would tell you if you did. You should know that by now, especially after what we literally just talked about. I won't keep stuff like that from you. However, this reminds me, there is something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What's that?" Ben asked nervously.

"It's just that.... well," Mal trailed off. She had to find her voice. This was serious, but it was something she was worried about talking about. She thought it may be awkward, but it had to be done.

"I feel like this relationship is one sided, at least, physically."

"What do you mean?"

"Ever since we started getting, you know, physical, we've only addressed what I wanted. Not once have I ever heard what you wanted. It is always me who asks for something but you never ask for something in return. I feel guilty. I want to know what you want."

"I told you, I just want you."

"I know, but what do you want from me? Like, is there anything that you want me to do? For example, I told you I...uhhh... wanted you to go hard this morning. That was what I wanted from you. Is there anything you want from me?"

"I haven't asked you for anything because you've always given it to me. Mal, you've given me everything. You gave me your heart, your soul, your love, and your body. How can I ask for more than that? Also, look at what you did to me this morning. You touched me, and I loved it. I wanted it and you gave it to me. I didn't have to ask. I haven't had to ask for anything else. However, if there is something else that I figure out I want, I will tell you. Trust me on that, but so far, you've given me everything I've ever wanted. Right now, what I want includes just you, being there for me in a way no one else can. That includes you being there for me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I know that you want the same from me. However, you do make a good point. We do need to communicate better on things like this. You've been doing a pretty good job at communicating what you want and need from me. I probably should have told you that you had given me what I desired so you wouldn't worry about it. I guess it is something I'll have to work on. I'm sorry if I worried you and made you feel guilty. That was not my intention. You definitely don't need to feel guilty for anything."