What I Want

Chapter 15: Tidal Wave

After discussing her wedding so much today, Mal was quite sick of talking about it. Sure she was happy to be getting married, but ever since she told her friends about the engagement, it was all they talked about with her. While talking to Evie about it was necessary so she could do more planning, she was glad all of the wedding talk was over for a while, especially since her thoughts were so scattered. She was feeling a tidal wave of emotions.

Her father's visit had really shaken her up, and not just because it was unexpected. Knowing that he was now here really worried her. Mal was concerned for the safety and well being of both the people she loved and the kingdom, but something else about his visit was bothering her, but she couldn't quite place it. Belle had told her not to worry about Dr. Facilier at all, but she couldn't help it. She knew what he was capable of, but she had no idea how to stop it. Because he was her father, she felt it was her responsibility to deal with him, but without knowing how to, she felt so helpless. It made her feel so weak. This feeling of weakness was happening much too often lately. She hated it. She needed to do something that she could control. So what better than to do something she loved? She decided to take some time and paint again. She didn't know how much time she had, but she would use every second to do something she had control of.

Mal grabbed another blank canvas and some meager "borrowed" art supplies, and let her heart take over from there. Like before, she didn't really pay attention to what she was painting, but she knew it was important. Mal knew this was something else her heart had been telling her she wanted, but her mind didn't quite recognize it yet. Mal hoped that painting her desires would help her realize what heart was telling her. However, this time was not quite the same. Sure, her brush strokes were a bit a different, but that wasn't what made this painting stand out. She felt something more this time. She felt... excited.... and nervous. Last time she felt happy and joyful, but this painting was rapidly filling her stomach with butterflies. She felt like something was growing in her abdomen, but she couldn't quite figure out what it was. It was almost as if she was anticipating something in the near future, but what was it? What could make her feel so excited and nervous at the same time? What could grow in her stomach like this? She had certainly never had a feeling like this before, and not knowing what it was worried her a bit. Hopefully, the painting would make this all clear.

Despite these overwhelming feelings, Mal allowed herself to continue to paint, wanting to see where this was all going. As she painted, she didn't even notice the paint dripping on to both her skin and her already paint covered clothes. It was the least of her concerns at this point. She was eager to know what she really wanted down to her core. She didn't necessarily paint quickly, but she was being pretty diligent. However, she was also careful, not wanting to mess this up. She knew this would be something that both she and Ben would want to keep, as it would be something of importance to both of them. He would want to see this too, but she wasn't sure when she was going to show it to him. Maybe she'd show him as soon as she was done, or she might wait awhile. She figured she would show him when her heart was ready for him to see it, as this painting seemed to be touching on a delicate topic, but she wasn't sure what that topic was. In the meantime, she kept her brush to the canvas, letting herself go with the flow of the brush.

It seemed like Mal had been painting for ages when she suddenly stopped. Her heart had told her she was done. After placing her supplies to the side, she finally looked at her work. She felt a tidal wave of shock flow through her. Her heart really wanted this? Even after everything she had been through, this desire had hardly crossed her mind. Could she handle something this big, this... significant? She would have to become the one thing that she thought she'd never be, and she felt she would be terrible at it. She was scared to become anything like this. She then realized that she had to show this to Ben immediately. That was when someone knocked on her door.