UNDERGOING REWRITE // Apples [Ledger Joker x OC]

PERSONAL UPDATE: Apples, Mental Health, and the Toll it Takes on Updating

Before I begin: Apples is not cancelled, it's ongoing, just slow. Chapter 10 is coming, I swear to you. I love this story too much to discontinue it.
Yes, I hate doing these mid-story updates. Frankly, it ruins the flow, baits you into reading when I don't publish, and personally, I think it looks messy when you've written 10 actual chapters but there's 11+ parts. Anyway. Here's a picture of the Joker to keep you.

I would like to share a secret with you.

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Hello, daaarling readers. You all know how much I hate making excuses for myself, especially when I talk about slow updates. It would be selfish of me to pull the mental health card considering how some people have it much worse than I do, but if you want to know the honest truth about why Apples is taking so long, it's because I have recently discovered I have, and am going to be diagnosed with, social anxiety.
I know it's a very personal thing to talk about, especially on social media, but Wattpad is always the place I come to talk about the more private things in my life- because I am mostly anonymous and I trust each and every one of my readers, and hold you so dearly that I feel I know you and can relate to you. Suppose this place feels like a sanctuary to me, a little diary that only the kindest of eyes (you) may pry into. However, the reason I want to tell you about my mental health, as personal, invasive and revealing as it is, is because sometimes (not all the time) I feel that some people put me on a pedestal- which is not bad at all, I understand that some of my stories have a lot of reads and I guess that makes me 'popular'- and I understand why some people might fangirl if I follow them, or respond to them, but it's something that, while flattering, is so unnecessary. I just want everyone who idolises me in that way to know that just isn't... me, I guess. I may seem like I'm outgoing on my profile, which, given, I am, but I'm also behind a keyboard. The reason I try responding to as many people as I can whether it be a comment, inbox, or just a 'thank you' for following, is because I want to break that weird 'popular status' some people may think I have. I love responding to comments and appreciate every single one of them, I feel so excited, like I'm receiving a personal perfumed note from every one of you. I love it. It means that you read what I write, and that you care. Which is why I'd like to tell you about my mental health.

Yes, I know, it's so cool to have a mental illness now, huh. To anyone who thinks that, it fucking sucks, by the way. I have social anxiety, or social phobia, which seems to be the illness that everyone wants, because it's cute, ditzy, and adorable. Let me shed some light here: it isn't. When I was 13, I thought it was trendy and I wish I had it- all those angsty thoughts were the hottest aesthetic, I guess. Now, at 17, I guess I finally got what I wished for. And I wish I hadn't.

I'd always been kinda shy, and know that I'm very socially awkward, but get to know me and I'm loud, obnoxious and very passionate about what I do. I'm really chatty. I'm very open about myself as a person. I talk about my opinions, likes, dislikes, my sexuality, my love of movies, cinematography and comics (but my Joker stays a secret). People tell me I'm funny. People tell me I'm smart. People tell me I'm good at English and that when I speak I sound smart, articulate, use big words. They say I know a lot about books and can ask me the definition of any word and I'd give it to them. I'm normal, I guess, and that's the thing- mental illnesses are invisible, so it's crazy how some people think to wear it as an accessory. It's poetic, perhaps. Except that it's not.