Dear Father.
In making me did you regret the instant you knew what you had done?
Dear Father.
In giving my mother a life sentence, she served on her own.
does it make you cry at night?
Dear Father.
How does it feel knowing I am struggling to find my sense of humanity because you robbed me of it.
Dear Father.
Where the drugs and alcohol worth it?
Dear Father.
Your blasphemous words that snuck in my heart at 3am, broken spirit all over again.
Dear Father.
I look for love in you but because of you I don't what that is.
Dear Father.
The memories I have haunt me more then anything in the past.
Dear Father.
I struggled with depression.
is that still a joke to you ?
Dear Father.
Are you my father ?
Dear Father.
Why the fuck am I writing dear.
Hey!
Sitting in a blank room wondering what to do because of you I can't figure what to consume either the anger or the hate.
maybe I'll take both.
The scars you left still hurt when I hear your name.
The abandonment still stings when I sleep.
I lie and say I have sweet dreams.
But then I sleep with the nightmare of you leaving just the same.
Hey.
Human being.
Where is my sense of being.
I do not belong.
Half of my identity is within you.
So how can I walk around with only knowing half of myself.
Dear Father.
In fear I rejected love.
Because you told me to be a marine and soldiers don't cry.
A punch in the gut would heal it all.
Seeing what you did to mom.
Sometimes I'd get in the middle so I could be the shield.
I can not live a normal life thanks to you.
I wake up in cold sweat with shaky heads questioning my sanity.
As if the world stopped spinning and I'm falling .
Dear Father.
My childhood was short lived.
I grew up quickly.
I yearn for those memories I see in the movies.
Dear Father.
I can not forgive you.
I can not forgive myself.
for loving you.
Because to hate.. is to love.
Dear Father.
I hope that cell you call a home.
calls back and declines.
like you have done so many times.
Dear Father.
When I change the world I won't thank you for pushing me .
In fact I'll just ask who you are .
Hey .
You wanted to be a man but had forgotten to be a father.
I hope you see me for what I am and that is nothing of you.
