Thrown (adopted by Black Veil Brides)

Never Say Goodbye

Ashley's POV

I never thought this day would come. The day I sit in this stone Hell, staring at my daughter and grandchild in a wooden box. I keep slapping myself, telling myself to wake up. Andy keeps trying to keep my hands down but it's no use. I keep doing it and people keep staring. "What the fuck are you looking at?" I hiss. "My daughter and grandchild are fucking dead! I have every right to wish this wasn't real."

"Ashley stop!" Jake  hisses. "Fuck you Jake." I glare at him. Ella touches Jake's arm and he turns back round. "Sorry." She mouths. I smile weakly at her and keep my arms by my side.

The priest stops spouting bullshit and one by one people stand to share memories and stories about Jae. I stay seated and tune out, thinking about the first time I ever met my daughter. My beautiful daughter.

Flashback

"Ash what are we fucking doing here?" Andy whines. I roll my eyes and snap my fingers. He's the last one off the bus and I'm not waiting. "Quit your whining and get off the bus. We're here because...I want a child. I want to adopt someone. How much fun would it be to have someone run round with us? Grow up with us?" Andy whines but steps off the bus and follows us inside, dragging his feet.

Pushing open the door I'm greeted by several people, some young, some older. "Hello, how can I help?" A perky ginger woman, with long slender legs approaches us. "I would like to adopt someone." I say. She nods and beckons us into her office. Jinxx closes the door behind us. "Is there a specific age you're looking for?" She asks. I think for a moment.

"Between five and eight maybe." The woman nods again and opens her door again. I follow her out into the hallway and into a large living room. She leads me over to a small table where three children sit, two boys and one girl. They all converse quietly and seem to be drawing. I talk to them but one girl draws my attention.

She sits in the corner, strumming at a guitar. A CD player plays on the table next to her. I recognise it as Alice Cooper. Interesting choice. I leave the table and walk over to her.

"Hello." I say gently. She looks up at me and smiles widely. "Hello." She replys. "You like playing guitar?" I ask. She nods. "I love it. My family was very musical. My mom sang, my dad played bass and my sister played drums and guitar. She taught me. It was amazing..." She trails off and a sad look fills her eyes. She wipes her eyes and smiles at me. "It was nice and I do miss them but I hope to have a nicer life."

I nod and smile. "Well..."

"Jae." She supplys. "Well...Jae, I would like to be the one to help you with that. You see I play bass in a band and," I point in the direction of the guys. "They're over there." Jae looks happy and sets down her guitar. "How old are you?" I ask. "Six." She replys. I grin. "Well Jae, how would you like to become the newest member of the BVB family?"

Tears slip down my cheeks and I make no effort to wipe them away. Ethan stand up and takes his place at the front of the church.

"I've known Jae for many years and she never failed to make me smile. She was to be the mother of our child and I was so looking forward to our family. Sitting down and listening to your stories shows she was loved. I know she was but I never knew by how many. I've heard all of you say goodbye and now it is my turn, but not to say goodbye. I will never say goodbye." he pauses and closes his eyes for a second.

"To me saying goodbye means that you expect to never see them again. You expect them to walk out the door and never walk through it again, you expect them to walk down the street and never turn around. To me goodbye means forever. I will never say forever. So instead, I say I'll see you later. Later in life, later in death, later in forever. I love you Jae Purdy and I will always love you. Forever."

Ethan's POV

"I love you Jae Purdy and I will always love you. Forever." I finish my speech and step towards her. Kissing her chapped and faded lips, tears fall onto her face. My tears. The first tears I have shed in three weeks. Three weeks from when she died. When they died. "I love you. Both of you." I whisper.

Standing up I walk down the aisle and out of the church. I'm not strong enough to stay. I'm not strong enough to watch them get buried six feet under. I'm not strong enough and I never will be.

The funeral carries on and I sit alone on a bench outside, the cold wrapping around me like a frozen hug.

"I open my lungs, dear
I sing this song at funerals, no rush
These lyrics sung a thousand times, just plush
A baby boy you've held so tightly, this pain it visits almost nightly
Missing hotel beds I feel your touch
I will wait dear, a patience of eternity, my crush
A universal still, no rust
No dust will ever grow on this frame
A million years and I will say your name
I love you more than I can ever scream.

We booked our flight those years ago
I said I loved you as I left you
Regret still haunts my hollowed head
But I promise you that I will see you again.

I sit here and smile dear,
I smile because I think of you and I blush.
These bleeding hollow dials, this fuss
A fuss is made of miles and travel
When roadways are but stone and gravel
A bleeding heart can conquer every crush

We booked our flight those years ago
You said you loved me as you left me
Regret still haunts your saddened head
But I promised you that I will see you

We booked out flight those years ago
I said I loved you as I left you
Regrets no longer in my head
But I promised you and now I'm home again, again, again

I'm home again, again, again.

I'm home again."

I pull the silver gun out my jacket and aim it at my head.

"I'm home again."

Don't kill me!! It's over now. I love this book and I'm sad it's over but this has always been the planned ending. I wanna give a shout out to mistylily30 and NonBinaryOverlord for supporting me the whole way through I really appreciate it guys!! Thank you so so much!!! I hope everyone reading this liked it and thank you to everyone reading :) It means a lot. I love you all. Byeeeeee xox