The girl against the world

Chapter four: phone call

Tomorrow? at sunset?
It hit my like a train. What have I done? I was in shock once again.

Grab my phone by the black pop socket, out of the back pockets my ripped jeans. I pressed my finger against the home button and watched it open to the home screen. The wallpaper, at picture of me and my sister at the movies with popcorn in our hair after a huge popcorn war against  Jack and his friends. The day we got kicked out of there. I swiped the two slides of apps back and forth a few times. Then I stopped and opened the phone. I hesitated before I quickly pressed jack's contact. The phone rang two or three times before his voice fulled the phone. In his voice you can tell he was a little hesitant about answering the phone but am glad he did.

"Hello?" Jake asked in a non normal way.

"Hey, how have you been?" I asked trying to lighten up the conversation.

"I don't really know, okay I guess." He said pulling away from the phone trying to blink back his tears

"Well at least you feel something." I said giving deep with him to let him know that he's not the only one.

"Umm oh ok? So what have you been?"he asked me politely.

"You know being me." I said fighting the urge to giggle at my own joke.

"Oh so sorry to be rude or anything but what's the reason you called?"He was a gentleman but that's just one of the many reasons why I really really liked him and I thought he was good for Mia.

"Well umm, I don't really know, I guess I just wanted to hear the said of your voice." I said blushing over the phone shocked that those words left my lips. Awkward silence filled the air. I couldn't decide whether to hang up or stay on the line. I waited on the line to wait for him to make the next move.
Through the phone I could hear his heavy breathing.

"You good?" I asked concerned for him

"I still don't know. Life is changing so fast. I just need to try to hang on and be prepared for what happens next. But I can't. I just can't. it's to hard to do anything around here." He said

I could understand his pain. I knew now that his house would most likely flooded from all his tears. So I told him,it's ok.

" I just lost my best friend, the only fucking person that know me better then I did and it's all my fault I shouldn't even open my god damn mouth. Now she's gone long gone and never looking back. We plan our college years together, we plan Halloween together and now she doesn't even know that I miss her so much and it's only been one or two days. She was the light in the darkness. Who know one friend that is Embarrassing by u still love them and proud to call her your friend that was her. I was proud to call her my sister." I said not handing my tears back anymore.

I added on. "I feel disappointed because I let my hopes up and you know the saying no expectations no disappointment. I well umm feel disappointed because of myself basically. I just hate myself I always have probably will never love myself. All those "omg you should always love yourself" Saying in like magazines and in commercials and stuff like that make my want to punch the tv and rip the paper into two. And all my friends they honestly have no idea what am going though and they all act like they know me and what is going though my head but you would never know because you can't judge a person on what they tell you because you don't know everything about a person base on what the show you and what the tell you. You honestly never know and you may or may not understand. You so I feel disappointed ,scared of myself, unwanted, invisible, and I get it now no one cares about me and everyones life would be 100 % better without me in it so I have no idea why I try and why I care so much cause apparently no one else does so I have to ask myself a question. Why am I still here? Why do I still fight everyday from people who don't want me? Why do I care so much? Why do I still hold on to something that's not there and probably never be there? Who is the supposed to hold me and told that everything is going to be ok even tho I know it's not and where is it? I just wish I can just start over but I know that's probably never going to happen but I can sure try. You see the smile that's on my mouth It's hiding the words that don't come out. And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed. They don't know my head is a mess. No, they don't know who I really am."

He was shocked and was still processing what I just say because the next words out of his mouth were "O. M. G."

I giggled a little at his reaction.

" I never know you felt that way, Maya. Am just shocked to the core. Still." Jack said well shocked

"Well the only people who know all the deep stuff were me myself and l but a new addition to the list, Jack." I said once again trying to fight the urge or laugh at my own joke.

I pulled the phone away for my ear and looked at the time at the very top, 12:27am. I lifted the phone to my ear again and told jack that it was late and he needs to get some sleep and think his life back together. He yawned on the phone before saying, "ok good idea, we'll good night."

I smiled and my phone then pressed the big red button. The called ended. I placed my phone on the night stand next to me and whispered "damn that boy." And before I knew it I was sound asleep.