sanctuary (a bastille/dan smith fanfic)

chapter 11

~Dan’s pov~

I think the week went by smoothly.  Almost Everyone knew about Kyla and me now, we got some strange looks  and whispers at first but it has settled now. I still hear the occasional “she is way too pretty for him, why would they date?”  And that hurt of course and I feel quite insecure but Kyla told me I shouldn’t listen so many times , that I don’t listen to it any more.  She makes me feel so confident even my friends notice it. I still don’t like talking to strangers and party’s still are my worst nightmare , but I talk and smile more now.  It sounds cheesy but she has been my light  since I met her.  I do hope she feels similar about me.  We still have some trust issues but we haven’t had our first argument yet.  It will be soon though, I feel it coming.

The next week wasn’t all roses and glitter.

In the weekend she started acting weird,  not smiling and laughing as much as she did a few days earlier. Being a bit distant towards my parents and my friends. Luckily she didn’t became distant towards me because I wouldn’t know what to do . Around Wednesday I noticed that she had bags under her eyes and when she sang it would crack a bit. Around Friday my parents  were worried. I did not notice how serious it was because she was still talking to me and would kiss me every now and then. Saturday Kyla and I were invited to a party over at Woody’s . I talked Kyla into coming with me, saying it would mean a lot to me.

We’ve been at the party for about 2 hours now. I’m a little tipsy and Kyla is wasted. She is not really partying,  just drinking  a lot of alcohol. Me being my stupid self didn’t notice that something was off.  Will asked if he could talk to me, I looked at Kyla who had only talked to me the whole night. Will guessed why I was hesitating. “I’ll ask Ralph to look after her for a minute.” he said and  signaled to Ralph standing next to him. He nodded, walked over to her and started a conversation.  I followed Will to a more private room where we could talk to each other without having to scream over the loud music. Will sighed and rubbed his face  and gestured for me to sit. “It’s about Kyla Dan. I don’t know her  for a long time, but something is really wrong with her.” He said with a worried expression. I know he isn’t drunk because he likes to be able to think clearly. “what do you mean, she’s perfectly fine!” I say sounding defensive. Will puts his hands on my shoulders and tries to calm me down. I sometimes overreact a bit when I have had some alcohol. I am still a bit pissed off but I try to let him speak. “Okay I’ll hear you speak.”I say sounding like an angry toddler.

 He sits down in front of me and speaks. “the guys and I see Kyla as one of us and we’ve noticed that she looks… unhappy, or more sad.  She won’t talk to us and she looks a mess, no offence.  But it is true.” I open my mouth to say something when he starts to talk again. “look, I know what happened to her, Ralph told me because he didn’t know how to tell you this. The rest of the guys don’t know.  But I am genuinely worried. It looks like she hasn’t properly grieved, what if she is getting depressed? Don’t tell me you never thought of it” I scratch the back of my head. “I know she is a little down but I never thought too much of it.  Do you really think…?” I reply.  We hear knocks on the door. “come in” I shout.  It is Ralph, why is he here, he should be with Kyla? “Is Kyla with you guys? I can’t find her. Kyle had puked so I helped to clean it up. She said it was fine. I came back 5 minutes later and she was gone!” He said in one breath.

We were all panicking a little now.  We are searching the whole apartment, asking people if they had seen her but no one knew anything.  Some people are looking outside now. I call home to see if she’s there but no one picks up the phone. She doesn’t have her phone with her.  I am a bit desperate now. What is happening?  Worst case scenario’s form in my head.  I run back to the apartment and look there a second time. When I can’t deal with it any more, I just sit on the floor next to the bathroom door. I let my head rest against the cold wall and close my eyes. That is when I hear it, muffled screams and desperate sobs. The door is locked so I just break in, using a coin to flip the lock-thingy. I rush inside and my heart breaks when I see what has happened in this room.

Kyla is sitting on the floor. I could only see her back but I know it is her. I hear her sob and I can see small, bloody wounds on her arms where she had dug her nails into her skin.  I cough "kyla? it's me, Dan. whats wrong." I closed the door behind me and slowly walked around her so I could see her face.  I am scared now. A tear escapes from my eye when I see her look at a knife she is holding in her hands. I look for big wounds but find none.

"I can't, I couldn't. But you..." she frowns at the last part and cries again. I am sitting in front of her, not hiding my tears. "why, Were you trying to...?" I gestured at the knife. she nodded her head. "I can't deal with life any more Daniel, there is so much pain and hurt. And when you find love, the bad things only seem worse." she wipes her eyes. I didn't comfort her 'cause I am too shocked, sad, stunned and scared myself. she continues "My parents are dead. Dead. I am an orphan now, I can't live at yours forever! You are my only friend and I only hurt you. look at yourself, I caused you a black eye and you probably have some trauma now you have seen me trying to..." she broke saying the last word. "kill myself." she finished her sentence. 

I slowly took the knife from her hands and guided her towards the shower where I cleaned the blood from her arms and legs.  (didn't undress her if that's what you think)

she was full on crying now, and not able to really do anything. There were more wounds than I thought and her white shirt had blood stains. I am examining her body now, looking for deeper cuts. It looks like she has put the knife against her wrists a few times but made up her mind before it actually did serious damage. She doesn't respond to my questions anymore. I need to get her home. I pulled off my hoody and put it on Kyla to keep her warm and to hide the blood stains. I was in just a t-shirt and jeans, the walk home is going to be cold. I think she is in shock... I walk out of the bathroom with her and Will and Ralph notice me immeadiately. They make there way to me and I point to the bathroom. "yes, I have cried. please, clean up the knife on the floor."  I tell them and I make a 'I'll tell you later' sign at them and walk home. At home I put Kyla in my bed and lie down next to her. I am scared to lose sight of her. scared to lose Her. After a few hours we fell asleep.

okay another chapter. Suiside is a serious topic and I just want to say that i'm not romanticising it.
sooo... Kyla is really depressed, what do you think?

it's mental, how many views and votes this story is getting.

Keep voting,commenting,reading.

love ya! xxx sea-salt-singer