Valdangelo/Leico - Let It Go

CHAPTER TWELVE - How to save a life.

I had to write another Nico POV even if it was his point of view in the last chapter! He will explain a lot of things...

Prepare yourself for the sadness of this chapter! I'm very sorry. I have to explain you something: When I have an idea, even if it's very evil and sad (like Elias' death), I have to write it because it's a good thing to add to the plot.  So, yes, what I write makes me very sad too, even if I am the author of this story :')

This is inspired by the song How to Save a Life by The Fray.

Warning: this chapter talks about someone's suicide.

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-- Nico di Angelo POV --

C H A P T E R 12

If was in Leo’s arms, crying, talking about things that I never told anyone except Bianca. He’s just stroking my hair tenderly, whispering comforting things.

“Leo, I never told anyone about this. I went to the psychologist for almost two years trying to forget these things. I was doing a therapy called the Repression. I had to bury the memories as for as possible in my mind to forget them and stop my suffering. I had to forget everything that made me sad; because if I had continued to blame myself and feel guilty, I would’ve become insane…I was about fall into a severe depression, Leo. And now, I have no idea why, but the terrible memories are coming back, more clearly than ever! I even remember how he smelled and how he grinned before saying something funny…”

I sob uncontrollably and let everything go. I just don’t want to feel the pain all over again. I want to repress the memories once more to don’t suffer, but I know that is selfish. Elias suffered. His family suffered. His friends suffered. And it’s my entire fault.

“Nico, you can tell me everything,” Leo murmurs softly. I want to; I really do. I just don’t know if I am capable of saying it out loud.

“My best friend, Elias, he…he killed himself, and it’s because of me!” I scream, not caring if I wake up my sister.

“Nico…it can’t be your fault…explain it to me,” the brown-haired boy mumbles.

“Elias and I were best friends since we were eight years old. He was funny, charismatic and always optimistic. He made me smile and laugh, and I was happy with him. We were always together; in class, at lunch, after school…he never left me alone. He was always there for me when something happened with my dad or when I was sad. I was there for him, too; but his life seemed so peaceful and joyful!”

I look at Leo and smile slightly at that memory. I was jealous of Elias’ family, who was caring and comprehensive, unlike mine. I continue:

“He had a lot of friends and almost all the girls were madly in love with him. He had beautiful green eyes and dark blonde hair and he was funny and friendly; that’s what every teenage girl wants. Strangely, he never had a girlfriend. We never talk about girls, though. I don’t remember what we talked about all day long; probably odd things that made us laugh.”

Leo’s eyes gaze at mine’s, almost like he wanted to absorb all my pain, but he can’t.

“Every day, after school, Elias and I went to the park. It was our little sanctuary, where we talked about deep and sad things that had happened in our life. Sometimes, he looked like he wanted to tell but something, but he never said it. I didn’t insist, because I knew he would let me know when he was ready. One day, it was in November, I think, we were sitting on a bench, in the park, talking about odd things, and he told me his secret. He asked me not to judge him, but I did…and I regret it so much.”