Valdangelo/Leico - Let It Go

CHAPTER NINETEEN - It's all over now.

-- POV Nico di Angelo --

C H A P T E R 19

I woke up and turned around to see what Leo was doing, but I don’t see him in his bed. Where did he go? He usually wakes up at 8AM. I look around me and try to find him. Oh, there he is! He is reading something, next to my closet. It looks like…a letter. Oh, no! Please tell me he didn’t read it!

I walk towards him. He is sitting on the floor, the letter between his hands. I think he is crying, but I am not sure.

“Leo, what are you doing?” I murmur, putting my hand on his shoulder.

He jumps a little and turns around quickly, trying to hide the letter. Wow, he is so subtle.

“Nico?! I…I thought you were sleeping...This is not what you think!” He defends himself.

It is exactly what I am thinking. Leo read Elias’ letter; a letter that scares me, but means everything to me. It isn’t of his business! Elias was my best friend, and it is my fault he died! Leo didn’t have the right to read his suicide letter.

“Nico, I am sorry, I didn’t mean too!”

“You didn’t mean too? What is it? Some supernatural entity forced you to read Elias’ suicide letter?” I retort, anger filling my voice.

Leo looks like he is going to lie down and start sobbing, so I back off a little. I am still very angry, but my face softens. I hand him my hand and he takes it. We are both standing face to face.

“So…you read it?” I ask, already knowing the answer. A small part of me still hopes that he didn’t. I have to be the first person to read that letter…

“I read it. I am so sorry!” He apologizes.

I am boiling with anger, sadness and disappointment. I look at him and he avoids my gaze.

Leo hands me the letter. His hand is trembling. “Read it.”

I stare at it like it is going to suddenly catch on fire. I want to know what my best friend’s last words are, but at the same time, I am scared. What if he tells me that it his suicide is my entire fault?

“Nico, it’s okay. I am here,” Leo says. He’s trying to help me, but I still can’t get over the fact that he read it.

I take it and open it really carefully. Firstly, I look at the neat and girly handwriting and smile. It smells like lavender, even after all those years. Elias always smelled like that. I start reading. I hope I won’t regret it.

———

I don’t understand. My hands are shaking, tears are rushing down my face and Leo is stroking my hair. Elias said that his death wasn’t my fault, but deep inside me, I still feel like it is. If I had been there to comfort and support him, maybe he would still be part of my life, smiling and joking as always.

“He…he loved me,” I whisper, not sure if I am talking to myself or to Leo. I keep sobbing in his neck. After a few minutes, Leo says something that I didn’t expect:

“And did you?”

I look at him to see if he is joking, because it is not the right time. He isn’t. He looks at me with sadness and I know that he is trying to understand how I feel.

“Yes,” I murmur almost silently. I don’t know why I answered that, but I am sure it is the truth. I remember all the times I blushed when Elias held my hand or kissed me on the cheek and when I stared at his eyes for hours without getting bored. I thought it was normal friendship and that we were just really close, but maybe it was more than that. Even if it was, it’s too late now. I have Leo and I wouldn’t trade him for anything or anyone. I don’t feel the same way anymore.

Leo says nothing. I know that he isn’t mad at me for answering that. He just keeps hugging me tightly and I bury my face in his neck. It is so warm, I think I fell asleep.

“Nicky?” I hear someone ask.

It isn’t possible. I must be dreaming. I look around and I realize that I am sitting on a bench in the middle of a park. Next to me, a small boy with dark blonde hair that flutters with the wind is smiling. His light green eyes are shining with joy.

“Eli,” I simply respond.

He cups my head in his hand and kisses me gently on the lips. His lips are warm and soft, but I don’t enjoy it. I don’t kiss him back. I just stay there, my eyes still open, in shock. He breaks the kiss and smiles like nothing happened. He doesn’t look hurt that I didn’t kiss him back. He seems so innocent and young for his age. I don’t know what to do and I realize that my eyes and mouth are wide open.

“It’s all over now,” he tells me, putting his warm hand on mine.

My best friend gets up and walks away happily, humming an unknown song. I watch him until he disappears.

 

“Nico? Nico! Wake up!”

I open my eyes and get up way to fast. I am dizzy but I can still see Leo’s worried look. Yes, it was definitely a dream. Why did it felt so real?

“Are you okay? I couldn’t wake you up…” Leo shouts, hugging me.

“Yes, I am okay now. It’s all over,” I whisper.

“What’s over?” My boyfriend asks.

I look at him and smile sincerely. “The pain.”

Leo seems really confused but he doesn’t say anything. I am glad that he isn’t asking any questions, because I wouldn’t know what to answer. I just feel relieved; it’s like a huge weight isn’t on my shoulders anymore.

I kiss Leo gently. Maybe this life isn’t that bad after all.

————

Hey guys! Sorry this chapter wasn’t really good and it's kinda short; I wrote it while I was camping with my grandparents.

I also realized that in my previous chapters, there are a lot of mistakes like than instead of that, my instead of by, etc. I am sorry!

I really don’t know where I am going with that fanfic :’) Do you guys have any ideas? I need help!

I wanted to thank you for all the support and lovely comments! I am sorry; I can’t answer to all the comments because sometimes I just…don’t know what to say, I guess? But I still try. I love you all! xxx