The Diary of Bellatrix Lestrange

Dying Inside

June 13th

I went with Tom today. We sat and chatted. I asked him if he loved me. He never replied, only lay back on the grass and stare at the sky. I know it seems silly to ask him, even to me it does. I can't live, without knowing if my love is returned. I sit in the dark on my room, hoping Mother or Father does not find me up. Tom slipped me a note under the window sill, which I will write down again here.

Dear Bella,

I know that you have feelings toward me. I wish it were as easy as for me to say I returned them. I know you feel as if my feelings are different. You, dear, sweet Bella, are right. Saying this to you is not easy, and a soul must not be told. I love you Bella. I know it seems silly, rash even. I never realized how beautiful and intellegent you are. Your power is something I truely admire Bella. With help, you will be very powerful. I will be your guidence to power. I'm afraid, dear Bella, that is all I can give you. Love is not something I am willing to return just yet. I feel as if that is something that will come with time. Maybe soon, but also, never. I hope I can give you everything I can.

Love Tom

He doesn't love me. I may have been blind after all.

June 15th

I feel as if every moment with Tom, I'm dying inside. My love not returned, my admiration not seen. I am a student, rather than a friend. I was foolish to believe anything else was in that. I refuse to believe this is the end, rather, just the beginning. I refuse to let this sway me from myself, and my jobs and responsibalities I have. I have to be strong, and not show the fear and pain inside me. I can't let myself show that to Tom, or my family, or even my husband. I know that the decisions I make will last, and hopefully, love will conquer.