The Diary of Bellatrix Lestrange

Looking For Guidance

September 21

An uneasy feeling settles over me when I enter each meeting. Between keeping Tom happy, keeping Regulas in line, and making sure Rouphledus and I are considered faithful to each other in the public eye, I'm stretched thinner then ever.

It makes no sense to me how people keep their lives in line all the time. It's a task in itself, and I can hardly keep up with everyone anymore. Tom needs me for an important task, Regulas is in trouble and I have to bail him out, Roupheldus and I have somewhere we need to be, or else our parents will devour us alive.

I'm proud of my standing with the Death Eaters, don't get me wrong. They all look toward Tom and I for guidence, for which I am happy. I'm the best of the best, the one Tom trusts the most, but who can I go to for guidence? It won't be long until I go mad with everything required of me.

September 22

Life is full of blessings, and even the small ones count. Blessings are not as apparent as we think sometimes, and we should cherish the ones we have. My grandmother always says that to me, everytime I see her. Whatever blessings were given for me to enjoy, I don't suppose they have arrived yet. Cissy and Dromada perhaps? Tom of course. Regulas, and even Sirius.

September 23

Sometimes, I look back at the things I have written while having this book, and wonder what would have happened if I hadn't gotten it in the first place.

People will know my story, for it will be here, ready for whoever is curious enough to look inside and see what lies beyond the worn brown cover. The story of a young girl with responsibilities and a family that loves her dearly, or the girl who made all the wrong decisions, and should be grateful for what she has. It feels like someone else wrote this book, and the things inside aren;t my story. They are a dream, a fairytale no one has heard.

September 23

I have to wonder how I have made it this far with this diary. I never wanted it to begin with, but my grandmother insisted I write my life story, for others to know who I was, and what I have done. My achiements aren't great, I can say that with honesty. Altough I feel alone sometimmes, I feel like that's how it's always been. No ones mind works exactly like mine, but maybe someday someone will read this, and understand why I have done what I have.

September 30

Regulas and I have detention tonight. "Your always late, and therefore shall be punished," that's what they say. I have done no such thing. Well, not that I remember. It's hard to keep track of what I've done. My partner in crime wouldn't let me go alone, so he got himself detention as well. I don't know what I would do without him. He is my best friend, and I will never lose him.

As much as I love him, I'm also afraid for him. He wants to prove himself to the Dark Lord. How I don't understand, but he wants to all the same. He tells me not to worry and that I'll be fine. The truth is, I hope he is rejected. I can't imagine what would happen if I lost him.

October 2

The worst has happened. The Dark Lord has given Regulas a task. I'm frightened for him. He told me he'll be alright. I want to truelly believe him, but somehow I can't.

I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I wanted it to be a bit longer, but it's hard to come up with material for this stuff. We got a view of how her mind works, and man is it scary. I will try to update again in the near future, once I get new material of course. I'm so excited for what it to come.

Love, Mar