My Professor's Secret

13|

thirteen

"His name is Sawyer. You probably didn't see him but he's the one who was driving the white car with the super-tinted windows you said you liked the other day? Remember?" I pause for a response, but there wasn't one. "Anyways, he saw you and practically begged me to give you his number. I told him you were single," I ended, singing the last bit to encourage a smile from him, but he didn't budge.

After the night I ran into Sawyer at the library, we kept running into each other—first by accident, then on purpose. Studying turned into actual conversations. Conversations turned into something closer to a routine.

I ended up bringing him to Hinkhouse one afternoon without giving it much thought. He barely paid attention to anything on the menu, too busy watching Josh move around behind the counter like he was trying to figure something out.

He didn't say anything at first. Not until we left. That's when he asked. I should've known better the second he stopped listening to me mid-sentence.

"Yeah, well you shouldn't have," Josh says after taking a puff of his grape-flavored vape before shoving it into the pocket of his jacket. Summer's sun officially returned to its slumbering hibernation—allowing the chill of autumn to creep in. Josh presses his back against the side of the building using his shoe as a steady support. Almost an entire week has passed since the incident with his apartment. Somewhere in between, his refusal to express himself gave away his declining attitude.

Enough time had already gone by to recognize when Josh's mood contradicted his tangents on how "fine" he was. I'd seen him like this before. Not exactly like this, but close enough to recognize the pattern. The short answers. The forced normalcy. The way he avoided anything that required more than surface-level honesty.

His shoe drags across the brick wall of Hinkhouse before echoing off the concrete once it hits the ground again. He wraps himself tight in his jacket and then heads for the back entrance of the restaurant.

"Look, I know you have a lot going on. Sawyer's gay and single too, but that's not the only reason I told him about you," I shrug, handing him the crumpled piece of paper with Sawyer's number. "He's a good guy, Josh. A decent friend. He wants to help."

And maybe that was part of why I pushed it. Not because Josh needed saving, but because I knew what it looked like when someone tried to carry everything on their own.

I follow close behind Josh to the lounge, watching silently as he packs his things for the end of an early shift. Kevin's decision to close the restaurant in lieu of Halloween never happened according to Josh. His sudden change of heart was a blessing to all of us. Josh is the first one to reap the benefits. Professor Thornton and I had to clean and lock up.

"I'm not some charity case in need of helping, Alex," he sighs, nearing the door.

"Well then it's a good thing I didn't say you were. Give him a call. Or a text. Please. It'll be worth it."

The tension locked in his shoulders finally releases along with another defeated sigh until he pulls me in for a brief embrace.

"No promises, but I'll consider it. Thank you, and Happy Halloween."

It's brief, but it feels like more than a goodbye. Like a quiet thank you he didn't know how to say out loud.

After Josh left Hinkhouse, I could no longer use his presence as a means to avoid talking to Professor Thornton. Communication between us had become nearly nonexistent at this point. Not entirely by accident. Not entirely on purpose either.

Primarily because I couldn't hold a conversation with him knowing everything he had going on. Not without risking crossing a line with an opinion that wasn't mine to give.