My Professor's Secret

28|

twenty eight

"It was good seeing you all again. I hope you enjoyed your holidays however you chose to spend them and came back prepared to give one hundred and ten percent in this class. First semester was child's play. This is when your work and effort start to matter. With that said, I'll have your midterms in by midweek," he says, desperate for a comical response but there was none. "Other than that, you may be dismissed," Professor T finishes.

Class seems to unload slower than usual or maybe I had the anticipation to avoid him to blame for the inconvenience. By the looks of it, Professor didn't appear interested in hearing from me either. Especially with the last interaction between him and I still looming over our head unsaid. For both of our sakes, we should've been far from each other.

My time away from campus gave me a slightly clearer perspective on what we could do to mitigate the damage we created. Particularly his belligerent drunken confession to my cell at four in the morning. I wondered if he even remembered drunk dialing me.

Leaving it unsaid was probably for the best but I couldn't stop myself from longing for the truth. A drunken mind is the manifestation of a sober heart. At least I remembered my mother saying something along those lines sometime in the distant past. We needed to discuss what happened between us or I might never be able to look at him properly. More importantly, he needed to know about what was being said around campus from me before he heard it from someone else. Someone like the Dean or Rachel.

The closer I come to approaching his desk, the harder it became to look him in the face. Holding eye contact long enough to engage in a decent conversation was definitely working it's way out of the equation. Somehow in the midst of our nonverbal communication, we'd forgotten how to be around one another. Trevor's call only added to the dysfunction.

Every day leading up to today only one thought plagued my mind and that was the night Trevor confessed to me how much he truly wanted me. In a way—I found myself longing for the illicit unpredictability he caused with that phone call. It meant he'd been thinking about me just as often as I was thinking about him. I knew or relationship was slowly working it's way into someplace it shouldn't have and now we were here left to pick up the pieces.

As we pressed forward side by side, Terrance babbles on about the slowness of our departure and how his girlfriend would be upset about another late dinner. It isn't much longer until a path clears and Terrance makes a clean break for the exit with a subtle wave, avoiding a second glance.

It amused me how hasty my emotions fluctuated when Professor Thornton and I were alone. Unlike when class was in session or when we were on the clock at work, my feelings for him on a personal level didn't seem to be an issue until we were left be ourselves. The problem with that is it got my mind racing about the possibility of him and I. That was the other explanation I could use to explain why I'd been racing out of his lectures before he even got the chance to dismiss the class or why brief eye contact felt illegal between us. I even pretended not to notice every time his eyes trailed to me durning today's lecture.

At least by doing that, a shred of my sanity remained intact. But still, after a call like that, I could barely think straight. It was this shred of probability that led my feet closer to him.

Professor Thornton shuffles through a stack of papers until my lonesome catches his gaze. He doubled back after realizing only him and I remained in the confides of the lecture hall. Without speaking, an uneasiness fills the atmosphere and by the crimson flush brighting his cheeks, it was obvious he knew where this conversation was headed.

Once I reached the front of the class he signals with his head towards the door and heads out of it. I follow him until we reach the privacy of his personal office. He leaves the door ajar and points me towards the sofa.