I wish I could

Chapter 5

“How do you describe a perfect life? “ I asked Liam.

“When everything is perfect, I guess!” He answered rolling his eyes. I loved it when he answered me like that and rolled his eyes giving the most obvious answers to my questions.

“What kind of perfect?”

“I think when you have a nice job, steady career, a nice, comforting relationship, support of family and friends. That’s it. That is perfect, I guess.” He said smiling.

“That was what my life was at that time. PERFECT. Amazing friends, good grades, a dream job, family support, a loving and caring boyfriend. EVERYTHING! And….”

“Wait, wait. You had a Job also? What job?”He cut me, surprise and curiosity flashing in his eyes at the same time.

“I was training with BBC as a Broadcasting Assistant back then. Although it was just training but I call it a job as they were paying me for that. And that too a really decent amount of £500 per month. My monthly flat rent was approximately £400 and the rest I used for other purposes. Also I got college credits for missing my classes to go and work at BBC. And I impressed them all with my work in one year and they hired me permanently.” I said feeling a little proud of myself.

“Oh Ok. Then?”

“Then one day as I was walking out of my class with Steve and Ruth, Rodick bumped into us. He was one of Ruth’s really good friend and we both had got along really well in our classes. He asked us if we were coming to the party which was going to take place at his house that night. I had not seen the night life of London since I came here and I really wanted to go to some nightclub and all but my work and studies had kept me way too busy. So this invitation was supposed to make me feel excited but to go to his house for a party didn’t seem to be a good idea to me. But Steve and Ruth gave in and convinced me too. Steve also had not gone to any clubs and parties in London as we used to spend most of our time together and I knew how much he longed to go to one. So that night, all of us, me, Steve, Ruth, Vanessa, Steve’s roommate Phil went to Rodick’s place for the party. I told Steve and Vanessa that I don’t drink beforehand so that they don’t pressurize me to drink there. When we got to the door, I got my first hint on what the party there was going to be. I saw loads of half-naked drunk people in the garden and at the door itself. I wasn’t used to these kinds of parties and stuff so this sight only was enough to make me uncomfortable. Steve noticed and pulled me closer to him grabbing me from my waist. I looked at him and he nodded giving me assurance that everything’s going to be fine. As the door opened, He dragged me through the corridor from the swarm of people that was all around us. And we were lucky enough to meet Rodick standing on the staircase.”

“Enjoy the party and if you need anything, Go straight and turn left and there you’ll find everything, in the kitchen. And the bedrooms are on the first floor if you want to do something up there.” He said with a smirk looking at Steve.

Steve looked at me and gave me a naughty grin and I rolled my eyes and then Rodick led the way and made us meet some of his friends. One was James who came with his girlfriend Tia and then there was his sister Ella and another guy called Ian which I assumed to be Ella’s boyfriend. I was forcing my brain really hard to think where I had seen Ella because her face seemed to be familiar before but in vain. Then Rodick told me that Ella is also at UCL studying Astronomy with Steve and that cleared all my doubts. She was really beautiful but I had a strange feeling about her. Minutes later, Ian walked up to Vanessa and asked her if he could get her a drink and then they both started flirting and Ella didn’t seem to mind which made it clear to me that they were not a couple. Instead, Ella’s eyes always darted towards Steve while he was talking to me or to Ruth and anyone else. Then Steve asked me if I wanted to dance with him and I agreed. And as we left everyone there on the couch to make our way to the hall, I saw her expressions change, becoming more sour. I didn’t understand why she was behaving like that so I asked Steve but he couldn’t catch up because of the loud music. Then I thought there’s no use worrying over things unnecessarily and that I should enjoy myself with Steve, so I let all those weird thoughts go away from my mind and enjoy our dance.

But when we got back to our place, we saw that almost each and every friend of ours was super-drunk. Ella came up with a drink in her hand and gave it to Steve and he gulped it as if he was dying to get drunk like them too. Ian and Vanessa were nowhere there and when I enquired, Phil told me that they were upstairs having fun . Then he handed me a bottle of clear liquid which I guessed was vodka and asked me to drink it.

“She doesn’t drink, Phil.”Steve said when he noticed Phil giving me the bottle.

“But why? What harm does a drink do? Just give it a shot Zara.”Ella said and then she looked towards Tia which was more of a signal than just a mere look. And within seconds everyone was asking me to drink.

“Steve, ask your girlfriend to drink that shit otherwise I’ll get a hold of that bottle in a few seconds.” James blurted out.

“Zara, I know you don’t like it but we should always try new things in life, don’t we? Just one drink will not do any harm babes. Just one and I promise no one will force you for more.” Steve said as I looked at him. I didn’t expect him to say that as I had already told him that I’m not going to get drunk in any case here.

“She can’t drink Steve. She's not that daring or cool enough. Come on, leave her. I’ll make you a drink and you can make me one. Come on now, let’s drink together.” Ella said and grabbed Steve’s arm and made him lean into her.

Come on now; let’s drink together. “TOGETHER”. That one sentence from her was enough to boil my blood. At that moment Jealousy, Insecurity and a million more similar feelings banged my head. I grabbed Steve from her arms and got a hold of the Vodka bottle and gulped as much as mouth allowed me.

“What do you think of yourself? I can also drink. Okay?” I said gulping some more.

“Sure, I can see that very well.” She said adding to my fury.

“Yes, you better see that.” I said and continued to drink that weird drink which tasted so bad that I could almost vomit everything out at that time but my anger was dominating over my taste-buds at that time and that didn’t allow me to do what I really should be doing at that time.

Steve was also drunk by that time but the alcohol had not taken over his consciousness and he tried stopping me but I stopped only when I finished the whole bottle.

“Are you mad or what? You drank whole of this. You shouldn’t have done this Zara.” He started scolding me but my eyes were fixed on Ella who had a sly smile on her face as she knew very well that I had been trapped.

“I want one more.” I ordered Phil. My head had already started spinning but I tried to stand properly. Phil started making his way to the kitchen but Steve stopped him.

“No, you’re not having any more alcohol in your system tonight. We’re leaving.” Steve commanded.

“What?”

“What?”

Ella and I spoke together. My mind again started wondering. Why would she want me here? What did she want from me?

“Yes, you heard it right. We are leaving. Right NOW.” Steve said.

“But, we just….we just started…..” Before I could complete my sentence, my feet gave up and I fell in his arms.

“This is the reason why we are leaving so early. Phil, tell Vanessa that I would be with Zara tonight. So she can stay here or she can come and sleep in our room, if you don’t mind having her instead of me.”

“Yeah sure, I don’t have any problem. You take care of Zara. I think she has had a lot more than she can handle.” Phil said smiling.

I wanted to say something to him, to argue with him about what he had just said about me but I just smiled back at him because I knew it very well that he was right. My eyes went back to Ella who had the same old sour expressions on her face when I had gone to dance with Steve. As he carried me in his arms, I was really delighted in that small victory of mine.

Little did I know that it was the beginning of the end of my happiness.

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