I wish I could

Chapter 12

[This chapter is dedicated to @1Digimonx as she made this amazing trailer for my book which is on the right side :) I'm really very thankful to her for this :D I know many of you have already seen it but never gave me the feedback :( So here I am asking you again to please please tell me what do you think of the trailer and the story so far. Plus I want you to vote in huge numbers which helps a book to gain popularity on wattpad. I hope you would do this for me. Thank you and I love you all :) xx ]

“Shhhshhhh......” Liam held my hand and sat down beside me.”It was not done on purpose. Okay? It was an accident.”

He made me lean onto him and I cried against his chest.

“I killed him, I murdered him. How can you ever kill a person whom you love more than anything else?” I asked sobbing.

“You didn’t kill him Zara. It was an accident. Do you hear me? Look at me.” He lifted my face up so that my eyes were able to meet his.”Think of it logically. If it was supposed to be a murder, then the cops standing over there who came with Steve and Ruth should have arrested you, shouldn’t they? But they didn’t do so because they were also the witness of this accident. You were about to shoot James which was self-defence but the bullet hit Steve. And you didn’t even aim at him in first place. So it was just an accident although a terrible one. You don’t have to hold yourself responsible for committing a crime. It was not a crime done on purpose. Okay? Do you understand this?”

“But I am indeed responsible for taking his life. I am the reason why he is not in this world anymore. I am the reason why he is not alive today. I am the reason why he is not here with me. Only because of me, I am the one who’s responsible.” I said and my voice choked.

“We are humans Zara; we are bound to make mistakes. And it was a mistake. You have already suffered enough for your mistakes. And now it has become a thing of past. If you cling to your past forever, it will only make your life more and more miserable. So please just stop torturing yourself like this, okay? I just can’t see you suffer like this all your life.”

I was not able to say anything. My throat had given up on my voice.

“Zara, please. Please don’t do this to yourself. To us, to our relationship. We all have worked really hard to take you out of your past. And you also tried this and now if you go back to this again, we will have to start it all over again. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone else in this world ever and I wanted to give a new direction to your life by becoming a part of it permanently. And I also want you in my life that’s why I asked you about the marriage thing. “He said. “And if you think that I don’t know what you’ve been going through or thinking, then you are wrong.”

My sobs continued but I managed to give him a confusing look not able to understand what that last line meant and he understood.

“Just tell me one thing. You were alright and you were doing good, leaving your past behind you. But from the last one week, I’ve been observing that things again have gone downhill and you were really sad most of the time. And of course, you’ve been trying to ignore me as much as you can. Today also, you came after I requested you a million times. And not just me, you’ve been ignoring Harry and Alan also. They are your best mates and nothing has ever been hidden from them, not from Alan at least. So tell me, what is the matter? What was there on your mind from all this week? I know something has happened and I want to know what it is.” He said.

“Nothing, it’s just nothing.” My voice immediately came back and I was able to answer him.

 “I’m so damn sure that there is something which you’ve been hiding. And you have to tell me. I need to know about it.”