I wish I could

Chapter 6

When I woke up in the morning next day, everything around me was dizzy. The first feeling I got was of pain. Unbearable pain in my head as if it was ready to burst. I tried to figure out things in my room but my eyes were not adapting to the light. But eventually, they did. Steve was sleeping besides me and my clothes were on the floor and I had no idea why. Some of my books were also lying on the floor and Steve's clothes were there too. Before I could figure out what had happened, a creepy feeling in my throat made me rush to the wash basin. That was like hell. I promised myself then and there only that I'm never drinking again. My body was so drained out of energy that I wasn't even able to stand properly and now it was draining the rest of the energy also by making me spew out everything which was left inside. Steve woke up due to the noise and I tried balancing myself while wearing my clothes. Then again sickness took over and I was back at the sink. I thought now that Steve is awake; he'll help me out with all this shit. But no, he did the total opposite. He put his clothes back on and walked out of the room silently. I was shocked. He knew very well that it was the first time I was drunk in my life and instead of helping me, he simply just walked away.

I was so angry at him for doing that. But I knew that I had to help myself. I slowly made my way to the bed and sat there. Everything around me was spinning and I felt so tired as if I had just finished climbing the Mt. Everest. At that moment Steve came back with a glass of water and some tablets in his hand.

"Take these. They'll help." He said roughly.

I followed his instructions obediently and took those medicines. Then he started picking things from the floor and started arranging them. He wasn't asking me how I was feeling and was avoiding eye-contact also and my mind started wondering.

"You're not talking to me, I guess!" I said trying to start a conversation.

"I'm not talking to you because I don't want to be mad at you. So, please don't even try to make me talk if don't want to be yelled at." He warned me.

I didn't have a clue why he was saying all that. I couldn't remember what had happened last night after we left Rodick's party. All I remembered clearly was disappointment on Ella's face when she saw Steve carrying me in his arms. But why would he be mad at me? For drinking so much I guess. Or there was something else? I thought that it would be better to ask him than keep on wondering and pressurizing my mind which wasn't even ready to think clearly.

"But why? Why would you be mad at me? For drinking? But you yourself told me so!"

"I didn't tell you to drink a whole bottle of vodka. And honestly as soon as I told you to try just one drink, I immediately repented my words and I had promised myself that I'm not going to ask you again for that. And what did you do? You drank the whole lot of it. " He stopped himself and took a deep breath.

"I've warned you not to make me talk. I'll lose it if you say another word." He said firmly.

I knew it very well that it was my fault to drink the whole bottle in my first time. And I was already suffering the consequences. But there was something more than this which was making Steve so mad. And I wanted to know no matter what.

"I'm already suffering the consequences of that action of mine. But I think you're over-reacting. People get drunk all the time. So what if I did the same." Oops, wrong word. I shouldn't have said that he was over-reacting. I am really very poor with the choice of my words. And then I sat there waiting for him to explode.

"What did you just say? I AM over-reacting. Wow, great. YOU go to a party and tell me that you don't drink and that I should not force you for that either. Then you get jealous of a girl there and out of insecurity, you drink a whole bottle of vodka forgetting that your body is too sensitive to handle that amount of alcohol and then when I beg you to come home, you argue with me. And then when we finally come back, you literally force me to have sex with you and when we do that, you keep on saying that we shouldn't be doing this, this is wrong. And then YOU sleep and in your sleep you curse Ella for being my friend, for getting drunk with me, for holding my hand. And then, you wake up and act like nothing has happened and say that I'm the ONE who's over-reacting. I mean, wow. Wonderful. What's wrong with you Zara?"