I wish I could

Chapter 4

"Do you really want to know everything? Is it really that necessary?" I asked him for one last time.

"Yes, no excuses today." He said with a comforting smile and an understanding look on his face.

I knew I had to give in that moment. There was no way I could escape it. I didn't want to remember anything and I had tried my best to run away from all of it. And I knew very well that this recollection would bring it all back. But it was the first time Liam was asking me something and I couldn't turn him down that time. I had to do it. FOR HIM.

I looked at him and he nodded in agreement as if he knew what I had been thinking.

"It all started at the airport itself when I came to London. When I was coming out from the airport, I saw him. Black jeans and Grey-black sweatshirt. I don't even know how I remember this. He had the most innocent look on his face, the one I had never seen before. Some kind of indescribable charm! He looked in my direction and I looked away. I suddenly realized that I had been checking out a random guy at the airport. But I guess he had seen me looking because there was a cute smile on his face. I took a cab and went to my friend Amy's place. I was going to stay there until I got my flat at UCL. I got to know Amy through twitter and we had become really good friends. So when I told her that I'm going to come to London for my post graduation at UCL, she asked me to stay at her place till my flat was ready at the UCL hall. When I went to my room in Max Rayne house of UCL, I found an amazing roommate in Vanessa. She was cool yet sweet and we had many things in common except for the fact that she was a social bee while I had my own definitions of being social. So, I thought it was going to be fun living with her. I didn't like socializing with other people that much so I was mostly found in my room. And even when I had to go to the kitchen also for making my meals, I always used to mind my own business and sit in a corner. But one day I saw him again in the corridor itself. But I thought my mind is just over-thinking. Then my classes at the college started and I was really happy with everything going the way it was. In college itself, I made a lot of new friends on the first day. One of them was Ruth. People used to freak out whenever she used to talk to anyone and I didn't have a clue why. Because at that point, I didn't know her last name. But of course I found that out pretty soon and my curiosity was over. She was amazing. And I was pretty happy that she was so grounded despite being YOUR sister." I said managing a smile.

Liam also seemed really delighted that I had found a great friend in his sister.

"She told me about this café near my flat which was about fifteen minutes away and I thought that would be a great place to go and relax myself because the flat was too crowded for me. I went there and saw him again. This time it was no illusion. I made sure that I wasn't having any vision defect by looking at the rest of the people there. But he was indeed there, sipping on his coffee or whatever it was. I forced myself to look away so that I don't get caught staring at him again. But to my bad luck, he noticed. AGAIN!"

"I was so embarrassed. I took my coffee and sat at a table which could make him face my back and not me. I tried really hard to focus on the other things in the café. And it was indeed pretty cool. The atmosphere, the music, their coffee too. I found that place pretty hard to resist. And he was also a reason. Actually, he was the ONLY MAJOR reason. So, I started going there every day after my classes. I used to walk in to see him with his coffee and books and then we would stare each other thinking that the other one is not noticing and then would quietly leave the place. This custom carried out for almost a week. And then, one day I walked into the café and he wasn't there at his usual place. My eyes searched for his face everywhere. Each and every table, counters and corners. Everywhere, but he was nowhere to be found. Disappointed, I sat sipping on my coffee and going through my planner for my schedule for the next week. I was so engrossed in my work that I didn't even realize that he was sitting there in front of me. He cleared his throat to make his presence felt. I looked at him and within microseconds my face went blank, my throat choked and I had a million butterflies fluttering their big fat moth wings inside my stomach.

"Hi, I'm Steve." He said and at that moment it felt like they were the most beautiful words anyone had ever said.

"Zara" I was practically cursing my cheek muscles for not smiling the way they used to do at all irrelevant things.

"You're new in London, I guess." His eyes were beautiful brown. I had never had a liking for brown eyes before but now it seemed that they were the most amazing eyes, I had ever seen.

"Yeah and you?" I stopped myself. I had a billion questions in my mind to ask him but I decided against it.

"Me too, I'm from Cardiff." He said and I nodded. I wanted to ask him where that place was but again I didn't. I would find that out myself. What is Google there for?

"So you're here for studying or a job or something else?" He asked.

"I'm here for my post-graduate studies at UCL. English Literature, and what about you?" I said and a huge grin appeared on his face.

"UCL, wow, I'm in the Astrophysics department there." My heart was filled with joy. Astrophysics was my favourite subject since childhood and I had always dreamt of becoming an astronaut. But as I grew up, my focus went to Literature and Astronomy and physics became leisure subjects. More than this, I was overcome with joy because we were at the same college.

"Astrophysics, great. It was once my favourite subject but then it just became a kind of hobby."

"So where are you living here? Because I guess I've seen you at the Max Rayne Hall." My heart dropped. He has seen me there? I always roamed in the corridors in my pyjamas and nothing fancy at all. And I've never bothered to look sober when I was there. So, he was really there when I thought I had seen him in the corridor?

"Yes, I live there. First floor." I wasn't sure why I told him which floor I lived in.

"Oh great, I live on the third." My jaw dropped. He lives in the same hall as I do and still, I had not even seen him often.

"But I've not seen you there often. I have always seen you sitting here in this café at that one particular place of yours at this hour of the day only." I said and immediately regretted it. Why I'm so dumb? He must be thinking that I always come here at this particular time only just because of him. He didn't have to know what a stalker I'd been. Well, that was indeed the truth but I still shouldn't have said that.

"That same thing applies to you also. I've not seen much of you at the flat but here." And this sentence took me by surprise. He also notices me that much. The butterflies in my stomach started fluttering even more wildly.

"Well, that's because I always prefer to stay in my room studying. The only time when I go out in the corridors is to cook my meals or to shower. And since the flat is not a really quiet place, I come here every day after my classes to study in peace. The music they play here is also very soothing. So, a lot of work is done in just an hour here." I said smiling. The butterflies had slowed down a bit and now I was at more ease talking to him.

"Yeah, this place is really great for a quiet time when you have a noisy flat like ours." He said.

'OURS'. Although it wasn't only for the two of us, this one word felt so good. But I put a hold on my feelings.

"So, now that we're at the same college, same flat, same café, we'll be meeting often. Right? "He said softly.

"Yeah..." I said with a half-smile, and the butterflies in my stomach picked up their pace again. I wasn't sure what to say next. And the last thing I wanted at that time was to sit there with a dumb face and stare at him blankly. But to save me, Vanessa called at that time asking me to come back as soon as I can.

This was too much for me for one day. I was so glad to Vanessa for calling and saving me from any awkward moment. I told him that I had to go urgently and he offered me a ride but I refused lying to him that I had to rush to a friend's place first.

The days kept passing then and we kept falling for each other more and more. From same flat to same societies in college. Same friends and more hang-outs together. It all felt like a dream come true. Having him in my life!

My first boyfriend. First kiss. Those feelings were just priceless at that moment.

Everything was going way too good until that bitch appeared in the scene.

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