Promises - Jinkook

dix

"H-Hyung..." Jungkook said unknowingly smiling, that was until he remembered why he promised not to love again.

he felt his heart drop.

"No, Please don't say that I'm sure you're just attached to me because you pitied me. BUT! Don't worry Hyung I'm ok!" Jungkook said, fake smiling like usual.

"JUNGKOOK! I can see that smile of yours is fake! I know better than that, I know what I feel and when I feel what. I might just have met you, but that's why I'm asking for you to at least give me a chance." the elder said tightening his grip on the youngers hand.

"You don't understand hyun-"

"IS It because you still love with Yugyeom? I know Kook-ah but I'm sure he'd want you to be happy!" Jin cut off the younger.

"I killed him," Jungkook said.

a long heavy silence came.

"What are you saying Jungkook! don't even Joke like that!" Jin said nervously laughing.

"I. Killed. Yugyeom."

Jin could feel his heart getting heavy.

"Jungkook... don't say that I-I know there must be a reason that he die-"

"HE COMMIT SUICIDE! IF I JUST HADN'T GONE OUT TO DRINK WITH MY FRIENDS THAT DAY! IF I JUST HADN'T LIED ABOUT IT! IF I JUST CAME 10 MINUTES EARLIER!" Jungkook yelled with tears falling down his cheeks.

"If I only had answered that damn cursed phone! if I just hadn't ignored his text! I knew he was hurting yet I ignored it FOR MY OWN SAKE!

If I just wasn't that selfish, JUST THAT ONE DAY!

YET HE STILL... he still voice mailed me telling me that it wasn't my fault! That if I only promised him to be happy he would be smiling down at me." Jungkook said this time he didn't even try to hold back, he broke down hugging his knees.

Jin was taking a moment to take in what happened.

"Yugyeom was Yoongi's step-brother. Yoongi introduced us and we fell in love, I promised to take good care of him for Yoongi.

Yoongi loved Yugyeom more than he loved himself, Yugyeom was there for him, Yoongi was abused as a child but it stopped when he found out that Yugyeom had been taking the hits for him secretly. and that's when he asked me to let yugyeom move in with me.

If I just had said no." Jungkook said face unreadable, no tears were coming out anymore, he had no more tears back.

Jin could feel himself tearing up. He knew Jungkook was sad, but not broken inside.

"Don't cry, you are okay they say. Don't mope, at least you are alive they say. Don't wallow, it could be worse, they say.

'It's not your fault, It's not your fault, It's not your fault,' Repeated over and over like a bug that won't go away, It stands there and mocks you from a place too high to be caught.

They chant and they sympathize and they pity you but whats worse than pity? Whats worse than friends, now strangers, fake crying over you feeling bad for something the world secretly blames you for.

You are told that be thankful you are alive, he could've killed you, you wish he did.

Life could be worse, move on with your life, forget about it but how? where the instruction guide on how to get rid of the pain, the feeling of worthlessness, thousands of knives are being stabbed through your body, millions of voices are telling you that you deserve it and hundreds of eyes stare at you everywhere you go.