Now I'm gone {Creek}

Depression: Tweek Tweak

Just because when he looks at you his eyes sparkle, it doesn't mean he is in love with you. Maybe it's because I have been ignoring him, so he was excited to see me. We used best friends after all. Used. Damn. It hurt to say it. I fucked everything up. Our friendship, mainly. He was my only friend. I have no one. I sat up on my bed. I placed my head in my hands. I thought to myself. "If I died, who would care?" I tried to think. I tried to make a list. No one came to mind. No one to save me. No one who cares. But then again...Craig. If I killed myself, I would never see his Beautiful smile...or his glimmering eyes...but the thing that hurt was that...he wouldn't care if I died. He wouldn't cry. He would move on and probably find a guy to fuck. He doesn't care about me, and neither does anyone else. A ringing broke me out of my depressed thoughts. It was my phone. I glanced over and "Kyley-b" was displayed brightly across my buzzing phone. I picked it up and answered. "Dude! Why the fuck are you ignoring Craig?" I stayed silent for a minute. "Because it h-hurts to talk to him Kyle" another silence before Kyle mumbled "god you're both fucking idiots" "w-why do you say t-that?" "dude, he likes you a fuck ton" how would Kyle now? Craig and Kyle barely talk. "You d-don't know what you are talking about Kyle. Craig is the s-straightest guy I k-know." I didn't want to out Craig, just in case Kyle didn't know what he was talking about. "Dude, I know he is gay and I know you know because he told me and Stan." I rolled my eyes "Stan and I-I" I corrected. "Fuck you Tweek" I laughed slightly. But then I remembered what Kyle said 'I know you know because he told me and Stan'. Maybe...did Craig tell Kyle that...he likes me? Obviously not. That would be stupid. He doesn't like me. "Kyle. I like h-him a l-lot. But he just doesn't like me that way. And he n-never will. I have learned to accept it and move away from it. I might be c-completely alone but it's better that having to look at his stupid face and wanting to c-cry because I can't have him. It's better to be alone." It was silent on the other end. "Tweek. Are you having suicidal thoughts?" I was silent. Fuck. How do I respond to that question? I have an honor code. I don't lie to people unless it is dire. Like when I lied to Craig about liking Kyle, but I also didn't straight up want to say 'Yeah I wanna go into the bathroom and take all of my anxiety pills right now'. "No one w-would c-care if I did kill myself. T-that's all I'm saying.." good enough. "You are wrong dude! So many people would care. I would care, Stan would care, Wendy would care, your parents would care and maybe most importantly Craig would care." "You are a liar! Everyone would say nice things about me after I died but the just move on like nothing happened!" "Tweek. I have to go but... Please don't do anything stupid." I was silent. "W-whatever" and then I hung up the phone. I sat for a minute just staring at my phone. (TRIGGER WARNING: YOU CAN SKIP THIS PART WITHOUT MISSING SOMETHING IMPORTANT SO PLEASE DO IF YOU MUST!!)
I stood up from my bed and walked to the bathroom. I locked the door. I grabbed my blade and the next thing I knew my wrist was bleeding. Cuts all over, new and old. I cried, I could have ended it right here, right now. I chose not to for fear I may never see Craig's face ever again. I would rather see him from a distance than never see him ever again. I cleaned up the blood and laid the blooded razor down on the counter. (END WARNING) I stared at myself. I felt like a monster. I was not Tweek anymore. I am not who I was yesterday. No one will want to talk to me anymore if they get a glance at my scars. They will think I'm a freak. I started to cry intensely. I sat in a ball on my bed sobbing until I heard a faint knock. "Tweek? Are you in there?" Shit shit shit! Craig was knocking. "G-give m-me a m-minute!" I sat up struggling to make it look like I hadn't been sobbing for the past 10 minutes. I also needed to change from a short sleeved shirt into a long sleeved shirt but that wou- or I just as easily put on a jacket. I grabbed my hoodie and put it on. I rubbed my eyes. "Tweek I'm coming in" I went and pulled the door open. "What do y-you w-want Craig?" I spat aggressively. He looked hurt. His face softened but then hardened and he looked at me and said "I want you to stop ignoring me for whatever reason you are this time!" This time. That hurt and I think he could tell he hurt me. "Tweek I-" "Just go C-craig p-please" a tear slipped from my eye as I pushed the door to close it. "Tweek stop!" He pushed against the door. "G-get off" "No! Look. I'm sorry I said that." He pushed harder and my grip against the door was slipping. Fuck why was he so strong? "J-just go away!" "I'm not leaving Tweek" the door pushed open and I fell to the floor. He walked in and shut the door. "Now. Tell me why you have been ignoring me" I CAN'T TELL YOU YOU FUCK STICK! That's what I screamed mentally. It's not 100% wrong to lie to him in this situation. "Craig. I c-can't tell you w-why" "you can't or you won't tell me" "I won't t-tell you" he sighed. "Well I'm staying here until you do tell me. I'm gonna go use your bathroom" I nodded. As he started walking, I realized I forgot to put up my blade. SHIT. I ran after him "C-Craig w-wait!" But it was too late. He had already walked into the bathroom. I sank to the floor, broken and sobbing. I heard the door open a couple seconds later. "Tweek what is this?!" I looked up and he had my blooded blade in his hand. "C-Craig please-" "WHAT IS THIS TWEEK?!" I flinched at his screaming and sobbed harder. "S-stop s-screaming a-at m-me!" He stood in front of me. He calmly said "Stand up" I did. When I did, he tried to take off my hoodie, resulting in a flinch but then a calm reaction as be pulled it off. It revealed all of my cuts. New and old. He covered his mouth to try not to show emotion. My arms where covered with cuts. The way that he was looking at me like I was helpless was pissing me off. "W-would you s-stop looking at me L-like that?!" "Sorry. I just...why?" "Because I actually h-hate myself. I w-want to d-die everytime I L-look in the m-mirror. A-and everytime I-I look at this guy...it m-makes me want to d-die even more b-because I can't have h-him." He just stared at me. "What guy Tweek?"
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I'm sorry it took me so long to update!! I need to work on who killed Wendy Testaburger too. Oh yeah, go read that too. Anyway, cliffhanger! What do you think Tweek will say?!?!?!?!? Will he be honest?!? Hopefully but Ya never know what good ole Noelle has planned! Also, the angst will be toned down a bit from here on out 😂. Thanks for reading. Noelle out! 💞💞