Death Bed Chats

Chapter 1 - Not Today

There is a copse near my house nicknamed the Witch's Thicket mainly because of the stories about the witch that haunts these woods. I've been here plenty of times and never seen a witch or ghost for that matter.

I come here to think and ponder my life. I'm fifteen years old, I'm Irish Catholic, I go to Parochial School and here at the Witch's Thicket is where I'm going to end things. I have to; there is no way I can face my family, I can never tell them my secret, it would kill my family.

The gun in my hand feels so heavy, but not just heavy it's cold and I hope it doesn't get damaged because my Dad would be so mad at me.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes and get ready to do it, but suddenly the gun feels heavier and there is a hand on my shoulder.

I open my eyes to see her crouching next to me, Jeannie Craig the girl who everyone calls weirdo in school. They call her that because of things like this she isn't there one second and the next she is.

I don't know if it is because the sun is in back of her, but she seems to be glowing and when she spoke her voice was so soft and gentle. She takes the gun from me and whispers, "Not today, my friend there is so much more you have to do".

I'm ticked at her for interrupting me, yet I can't seem to show my anger. I finally say to her, "You don't understand".

"Understand," She questioned? "I understand, you're different, so am I different has its perks."

Tears started to flow from my eyes, she wipes them away, "I will never be accepted for who or what I am".

"George, it will be ok trust me, people are scared of what they don't know, but they still love you and that should be enough".

"You know what you are, Jeannie? You're a real airhead," I yelled. Here came the anger and she was about to get the full brunt of it.

"Who the hell do you think you are to follow me up here? To think you could stop me? I've got news for you sister, there is only one way out of this and it's at the end of that gun barrel. You may have stopped me today, but next time I'll choose somewhere more private and you won't be able to stop me".

In that moment, I wasn't sure what she was going to do next, maybe she would cry or maybe she would leave. She threw the gun at me and it landed at my feet; I looked at it with great shock. She pointed to the gun, "Go ahead there it is, I'm not stopping you just answer me one question".

I wasn't sure I wanted to know what her question was but I asked anyway.

"What"?

She wiped a tear that had rolled down her cheek, "Who is going to be there to save me, who's going to stop me because you are supposed to be that person and if you're gone, I'm screwed."

From that day on Jeannie Craig and I were inseparable. Being a gay teenager in the 1970's wasn't easy in fact it was downright impossible. My family was all about sports, church and apple pie. Girls liked boys and boys liked girls it was as simple as that. I had a couple of friends who tried to come out to their parents and it was a disaster. Families were torn apart, lives were shattered and rumors were rampant. I had no desire to go down that path so Jeannie was happy to be my "girlfriend".

Jeannie was wise beyond her years and without sounding too theatrical she seemed to have a celestial quality to her. Jeannie had been through a lot in her young life and when she asked me that day who would save her I was shocked with the story she told me. Jeannie had been molested by a family member since she was about five years old and it was someone that we were all taught to honor and revere. Her Uncle Tom was our parish priest; he was this great guy who everyone flocked to. No one spoke a bad word about him at least not in public. Knowing what I know now I'm sure there were plenty of discussions behind closed doors.

To this day, I truly don't know how Jeannie coped with things; however, she always said she would help others someday soon. She didn't seem to realize she was helping people already and it had started with me and that day in Witch's Thicket.