Death Bed Chats

Chapter 5 - Behind the Altar

"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret between the shadow and the soul" Pablo Neruda

As I sit in the holding cell I've got a lot of time to think and I start making a list of girls that use to get requested to help clean the sacristy. Had he abused any of them? Chances were perhaps he had and he was arrogant enough to do it in a not so private place.

Most of the girls swooned over Father Tom saying it was a shame someone so handsome became a priest.

I wonder if this is going on with more than just Father Tom. It was evident that the good Monseigneur had no qualms about covering for him. How does a church do that? This surely isn't God's way was the last thought I processed as I drifted off to sleep.

There she was again and this time she looked so pretty and so very healthy. She was standing in a meadow with a big oak tree at the top of a hill. I can feel the warm gentle breeze on my face. It's safe here and the darkness has been lifted from Jeannie's eyes. She's standing with a man and he's in jeans and a white shirt.

"Jeannie", I yelled as I raced towards her.

"George, calm down you act like your pants are on fire" she laughed.

"Jeannie, I thought you were in the hospital how did we get here? Where is here". Jeannie turned to the man and smiled. He started to speak as he extended his hand to shake mine.

"George, I have asked Jeannie to be my crusader, but she's not sure if she can complete what've I've asked, can you help her out"?

I didn't know what to say, this was all so strange. Where the hell, was I? Wasn't I in jail? This guy who is talking to me kinda looks like, well Jesus Christ, but the dude is in jeans. And I'm not sure what he's asking me to do all I know is maybe this is a test and I can't let Jeannie down again.

"Who are you" I work up the courage to ask him.

Jeannie answers, "Come on, really George? You know who he is, we've stared at his picture every morning for the last twelve years as we've said our morning prayers".

"So, if you're him if you're..."

"Jesus", he answered.

"Then you won't want my help, you don't like my kind".

Jesus threw his head back and laughed, "Your kind, I love all people"

"But the Church is ready to throw all us homos out" I reason.

"George, I'm not the Church, I'm the son of God, part of the holy trinity and you are beloved. Jeannie is beloved and the evil that she has faced all these years has to be stopped. George, you will have your own battles to fight, I can't tell you they will be easy, but I can tell you she needs someone in her corner now".

George thought for a moment and realized he must be in some kind of dream or somehow inside Jeannie's dream.

"Can't you cure her? Can't you save her, you're Jesus Christ", I asked angrily.

His answer was simple, "I cannot".

I dropped to my knees in that meadow and I cried, "I don't know how to save her" Jeannie is rolling her eyes at me and she walks over to me, she makes me stand up, she looks to Jesus then back to me and her voice is almost angelic, "Love"

Jesus pats me on the shoulder and repeats, "Love"

I bolt up in bed and I'm surrounded by the jail cell. My Uncle comes and gets me out of jail once again and he tells me to go home and stay there, but I have a stop to make and a life to safe.