In this chapter you'll get to know Darcy a little better (:
❥
I get back home, lie on my bed, I wish I could just stay here forever, I'm safe here no one can hurt me.
I've been told I have bipolar through assessments and councillors, I can go weeks feeling like everything is good in the world, that no one can bring me down or destroy me, then it'll come crashing down and for weeks I won't want to carry on. I've attempted to commit a few times, I couldn't even do that right.
You can't do anything right.
I shake my head, I attempted years ago when dad left and a few years before that, all overdose. I've been told I suffer from depression but really I don't know what goes on in my head, I just want it to stop.
I didn't wanna go to this barbecue but Amelia was nice enough to ask me but I feel like Issac forced her too, it was making me feel sick even thinking about going, I just want to stay here I don't wanna be around people I don't know in a big crowd.
I sigh and close my eyes and start to meditate, it helps me relax and just forget for a few minutes while I drift off.
At least I'll have Ellie at the barbecue with Yasmine and Amelia, Amelia's so sweet and kind she reminds me of a baby dear in a way.
"Darc?" Ezra gently knocks on the door, "Wanna come downstairs? We ordered pizza" He remains quiet and gentle, I sit up shaking my head.
"C'mon, Darc please? It's just the four of us, we're watching a movie" He smiles walking more into my bedroom, I don't really like many people in my bedroom, this is my safe place only people who I trust can come in here.
"Okay" I mumble I don't want to but it's only Joseph and mom, plus I can see Ezra wants me to join.
I go downstairs and sit in the corner chair cuddling up, "That's my chair" Joseph says harshly looking down at me, "Oh sorry, I didn't know" I mumble about to get up but mom stops me, "Joe let her sit there just for now, she doesn't join us often" She frowns.
"That's a good thing" He rolls his eyes, "But whatever Darcy wants Darcy gets" He mumbles under his breath sitting in another chair.
We watch one of mom's favourite movies and I start to enjoy myself eating pizza and laughing, I feel like I haven't laughed in ages, not this hard even Joseph was having fun which was surprising even since dad left he's been very distant, with me anyways.
After the movie ends I trot myself up to bed, I wash my face, I can't stand washing my face some days having to look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I can compliment myself, some days I point out every bad feature on my face - my eyes, my cheekbones my nonexistent jawline, my nose, lips, forehead everything, it's like nothing fits.
I splash water on my face and start to cleanse, I scrub away at it until I can feel the burn, I deserve pain, I scrub and scrub and run the hot water until I can see the steam rising from it, I splash it all onto my face, I scream at the pipping hot water on my face.
I carry on, splash after splash until I'm a mess, I slide down the side tears rushing out of my face, my skin is red raw but I deserve it, I deserve pain even the tears hurt when they slide down my face.
Why do I always feel like this? Destroyed, I've had a good night, at college I put a face on, a smile is so simple for me to smack onto my face and tell everyone I'm okay, at home it's just the same I can convince everyone apart from Ezra that I'm okay, that I'm not mentally destroyed.
YOU ARE READING
College Students
RomanceFirst day of college. Darcy Winters is a new student, she's quiet, quirky, lovable but not what people expect when they really get to know her, she puts on an act to mask what goes on in her head, to fight the battle of mental illness that controls...