Our never-ending conversation ( A Doki Doki Literature Club Fanfic)

Chapter 4: God, I'm Insane.

"So... is there anything you wanted to talk about today?"

Her eyes lit up as if she suddenly remembered something. "Oh, thanks for reminding me!" Bingo. "I was thinking about Sayori earlier..."

The disturbing image of the cute childhood friend hanging from her ceiling flashed into my mind. I shivered slightly. "... Yeah, what about her?"

She shrugged. "I just wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully."

"Well, I can't really tell if your goal was to make her so depressed that she became a recluse, or if you really did want to drive her to suicide."

She brought her hands up from her desk, putting them up in front of her, she shook them around, as if to deny my claim. "No, seriously, it wasn't trying to kill her or anything... even though I did suggest it..." I gave her a look of disappointment. "You're not still hung up over it, right?"

I jaw dropped. I... couldn't believe that she had said that. "..."

Her eyes opened up in realization. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just said that. That pun was completely unintentional, I swear!"

I still couldn't find anything to say about that. I mean, I know that she actually cares about the other girls, but it seems that she hasn't discovered that about herself yet.

"But anyway..." She went back to her signature pose. "I know how much you cared about her, so it only feels right for me to share her last moments with you."

"Actually, I'd rather not, I'm still a bit-"

"You know how Sayori is really clumsy?" She cut me off.

I nod. "I suppose so, I mean, I didn't know her as well as the main character did, but I could definitely gather that."

""Well, she kind of messed up the whole hanging thing..."

"Pardon?"

"You're supposed to jump from high enough that the rope snaps your neck, making it quick and painless. But she just used a chair, meaning she kind of just left herself to slowly asphyxiate."

My jaw dropped again. I could hardly believe what I was hearing. I mean... I know Monika just wanted to be nice to me and tell me about Sayori but... Jesus Christ. "That's, I... don't know how to respond to that..."

"But that's not even the most fucked up part!" Oh god no. "A few seconds in, she must have changed her mind or something. Because she started clawing at the rope, trying to free herself."

"That's... Oh god," I muttered to myself.

"She must have kept at it all the way until she lost consciousness. That's why her fingertips were all bloody, anyway." She placed her finger on her chin and looked up in thought.

I was still completely flabbergasted on how casual she was about this whole thing.

"Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in. So you can't really fault her for that. It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right?"

"I... Don't think she would have," I know that personally. I tried everything, with the same result. It was inevitable.

"It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently," She went back to her normal pose. "I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go? I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together."

"Yeah... I think that'd be nice," In all honesty, to me, that sounds like the best end. Monika and I dating... and we could have finally gotten to go to the festival. Natsuki and Yuri would have broken out of their shells... and, Sayori would have-