Emotional Shiz

Tiredness (idc if thats not a word)

I'm just tired. And no I don't mean like I haven't gotten enough sleep (although I don't.) I'm tired of life and all its shit it likes to throw at me. I'm tired of people calling me Jacob (as my new name is Alex.) Granted, some people don't know that I'm gender fluid yet, so I can't really blame them. But some of the people who do know don't even try and correct themselves. So of them knows that I go by Alex now, and yet she actively calls me Jacob. I've even called her out on this and she said "I'm always gonna call you Jacob. Nothing will change that." Whenever someone calls me Jacob even though they know I just laugh it off, but it fucking hurts. I'm tired of not being able to be myself. I want to truly be who I am without being beat down for it. One day I got a trans flag from a friend as a birthday gift, so I had tied it around my neck and walked around recess with it on. I got called over to the principal, and he told me to take it off as it was "a safety hazard." After he told me this, I took it off and put it away as soon as I got back in the school. But then later that day when I got home, my parents yelled at me about it because apparently that warranted a phone call home. They yelled at me about wearing it because they thought I wasn't trans so they said that I'm lying to everyone by wearing that and I shouldn't ever do it again. Even though at the time I thought I WAS TRANS, and was trying to tell everyone. But NOO. I'm lying to everyone and deserve to get in trouble for it. I'm also tired of people's fake shit. I hate everyone being fake all the time and causing all this drama for no reason. One day, we were listening to this song in class:

It's a song about being depressed and suicidal, and I related to it a lot. I loved it. But then this bitch across from me said, "if you're depressed, then you deserve to die. If you're not gonna help your country, then there's no point in you being alive." Then turned to me and said "why are you depressed? There's nothing wrong with you. You shouldn't be depressed. Stop lying to everyone about being depressed and suicidal." Another day there was this kid who had supposedly tried to kill themselves, and some people were gossiping about it, but the girl who was talking about it wasn't saying their name out of respect. So this is what the conversation was like:
"Hey did you know that someone tried to kill themselves yesterday?"
"You mean Jacob? I thought he committed suicide last year. Is he really that depressed? He needs help. He has issues."
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL HELL.

Ok yeah there's that. Bye for now!