I have always wondered how people could choose death over life. I never understood why someone wouldn't want to live anymore. I didn't understand how someone could choose to take their own life when logically there is always a sliver of hope that life will get better.
Now I understand. My life has always been unstable. I've been surrounded by people that I have been too afraid to open up to. I'm at the edge looking down. I can't see a safe path to walk on in order to move forward. I don't want to move forward anymore. What other option is there other than to jjump? The risk of having to continue living a miserable existence is not worth the almost impossible reward that I will find true happiness and bliss. I will never find that. The only thing I have ever wanted in my entire life is a person to love who loves me just as dearly. I didn't ask for all of this pain. I didn't ask for any of this. Why am I here anymore. I wake up and I feel so sad and lonely. I do my things knowing that it isn't going to get me anywhere. I go back to sleep only to dream about the awful things haunting me during the day. There is no escape from this tormenting cycle. I want release. I want happiness. I want to feel good and hopeful. I just can't here in this life. I don't want to do this anymore. Every second of the day I have to tell myself to hold on and to move forward. I am so tired and weak. I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm starting to believe that happiness doesn't even exist. I'm starting to believe that no man will ever love me the way I need to be loved. I'm starting to believe that there is no such thing as love. I don't want to live in this hopeless disgusting world. I'm so sick of everything. I just don't care anymore. Who am I to think that I deserve anything? Happiness or Love? Why would I ever deserve That? Who am I to think that there is some magical being watching over us all that will make everything Okay? Do you understand how crazy that sounds? BECAUSE WHAT IF THERE IS NOT?! What if we are all alone in this world and there is nothing there to help us through. What if there is no safety net? I NEVER DESERVED ANY OF THESE FEELINGS. I NEVER DESERVED TO FEEL SO MISERABLY HOPELESS. Yet here I am, writing this letter, showing off how unorginally pathetic I am. No one or nothing can make me feel better. I'm alone. I am surrounded by people, but I am truly alone. I don't want to be here any longer. I don't want to feel like this any longer. So what should I do?
YOU ARE READING
A Letter From Me to the World
Ficção GeralA collection of letters from going through life. Read about the struggles of mental illness and what that does to the human soul. Trigger Warning: This novel contains mature themes such as abuse, suicide, drugs, etc. Please be advised.
