But You Don't Care

shichi

Trigger Warning: Anxiety

~~~

I felt a wave of freezing cold loneliness crash over me as I saw her typing, and then stop. It felt like the bathroom was closing in on me, so I crawled out and put my hoodie on before leaving the house. I had no idea what was going on. I felt like I was dying, I've never experienced this feeling before. I clenched my chest and sat down on the sidewalk. I felt my phone vibrating in my front pocket. I pulled it out and hit the green button with shaking hands.

"H-Hello?" I choked out.

"Karamatsu? Are you okay? Why weren't you answering me?" Tomomi spoke. I leaned up against my house and curled my knees into my chest.

"I don't know. Something is wrong and I don't know what to do. I'm so scared and it feels like I'm having a heart attack."
I felt tears prick my eyes.

"Can you come to the park? Can you walk?"

"Yeah, I can walk. I'll be there soon."

"Alright, I'll meet you there. Call me if you can't make it."
Tomomi hung up and I felt alone again. I stood on shaking legs and made my way to the park. I looked to the side and saw him again. Except he had a white mask this time.

What if she doesn't show up? Maybe you're just going here for no reason. What if you'll be all alone and far from home? Your brothers wouldn't come, you wouldn't have Rie to hold, and you won't have Tomomi to talk to.

I held my arms and picked up the pace, but he followed my movements exactly.

Why are you running? It doesn't matter anyways, because what if you're wasting her time? She doesn't want to be out in the cold helping the likes of you.

"G-Get away from me!"
I arrived at our original meeting spot and saw Tomomi walking towards the park. I sat on the edge of the fountain and she spotted me. She quickly approached me and sat down next to me.

"What's going on?" She asked. I sat there with my hands in my pocket and tears in my eyes.

"I-I don't know, Tomomi! I don't know what the hell is going on, and I'm just so scared and I didn't know what else to do other than to text you, and-"

Tomomi touched my shoulder gently and hushed me.

"It's alright, I promise. What were you doing before you felt this way?"
I started speaking with a sense of urgency.

"I was laying in my bed, and there was this person- No, it was me but it wasn't at the same time, and they were telling me all this stuff about how awful I was, about how my brother didn't want to fix our relationship, a-and how you didn't w-want to be my friend, and all this awful stuff."

Tomomi rubbed my back as I shivered and tears fell down my face.

"Then I had a dream that my brothers were drowning me. And I couldn't breathe, and no matter how hard I screamed, they couldn't hear me. I woke up and felt this pressure on my chest, so I ran into the bathroom and texted you. It felt like I couldn't breathe and that the room was getting smaller. So I came outside, and you called me. On my way here, he was back. But he was different this time. He kept asking questions, and it felt like someone was choking me. And I don't know what I'm feeling and it's... s-so... scary!"

That was it, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I broke down.

Tears spilled out of my eyes as I let out a scream of fearful despair and pain. I buried my face into the sleeves of my hoodie and sobbed my eyes out. I felt two arms wrap around my middle. I looked up from my small space and looked at Tomomi. She was hugging me, and it felt so comforting. I curled into her contact and cried into her shoulder. She kept one hand on the back of my head and rubbed my back with the other.