Extrinsic Savior (On Hold)

1: Please Don't Die

*Ponyboy's POV*

Today Dally's going with me to see Johnny in the hospital again. Two-Bit wanted to go but it's killing him to see him like that, plus I don't think Johnny'd wanna see him if he wouldn't be his usual self who always cracks jokes. Soda and Steve would've went but they had to work at the gas station, we ain't doing so great with money now with everything that's been happening lately. Darry is also working, but when isn't he? The only time he took off was when I was in the hospital, which wasn't long since I got lucky with my injuries. I bet Darry didn't want to have to take off though, he probably didn't really care about me. All I do is cause trouble. I wouldn't be surprised if he wished I were in Johnny's condition, better me than him...

What did poor Johnny do to deserve any of this anyways? He's been through enough as it is. From being physically abused by his parents one day then neglected the next, to being jumped by the Socs and who knows what else. Johnny is like an innocent puppy that's been kicked way too many times, you can see he's lost and confused just by looking in his big brown watery eyes. All he's ever wanted was to feel loved, he's got us though so he won't have to ever feel lonely again.

The worse part though is that I don't know how long he'll have us for, I don't think he's doing so good. The docs say he's got a broken back and third degree burns. I wonder how likely it is for someone to survive something like this- what am I saying, of course Johnny'll survive. He's survived everything else he's been through, so why not this? Johnny can't die, he just can't, it just ain't fair, he can't die, he can't....

Why couldn't I be in Johnny's place and him be in mine? I feel like everything would be better that way. Ever since our folks died Darry's been all up on me, I ain't good enough for him or anybody else. I don't use my head and I can't do anything right, all I do is cause mischief. I'm a burden; just a problem child, a mistake to the world.

Johnny though, he didn't get a proper life. He never had a loving Mom or Dad, I at least once got to experience that. Or even caring siblings, I know deep down Darry loves me a tiny bit or at least used to... Johnny never got to see the world, yeah sure neither did I but, unlike me, he deserves to. He deserves so many good things but always gets stuck with the short end of the stick, it just ain't fair. Plus without Johnny we wouldn't get along, he keeps the gang together. What do I do?

"Hey kid, you ready to go?" Dally asked, "You've been starin' off into space for awhile now, you okay?"

"I'm fine, was just thinking." I glanced down, then back up at Dallas who was looking at me somewhat concerned. Dally never shows when he's concerned, is it that obvious that there's something bugging me? I forced a small smile, it was probably weak and I think he could see. "I'm ready though."

We got in his car and he started driving, it was silent like the night Johnny and I were walking alone before we got jumped by the Socs. I hated that night, that's the night that started it all.

"Dally?" I asked.

"Yeah, kid?"

"Could you stop at the store so I could I get a copy of a book for Johnny?" The old one burned up at the church, I never got to finish reading Gone With The Wind with Johnny, and I know that he would enjoy it if we did.

"Sure thing."

* * * *

"We're here to see Johnny Cade," Dally told the lady behind the front desk.

"I'm sorry, he can't have any visitors at the moment unless they're family. Try coming back in about a week, if he gets better," she grinned, Dally tightly clenched his jaw.