I took a survey.
About beauty.
The first question quoting,
"What is beauty?"
And continuing with,
"Is beauty mental or physical?"
My mind quickly flooded with answers.
None remaining the same,
Yet a part of me said,
"Beauty is from the inside."
"Beauty is of the mind."
Then a fraction of me stood up,
Asking itself,
If beauty is of the mind,
and comes from the inside,
Why was I starving myself.
Why did I start thinking about dieting
at the age of 11.
Why did I stare at the mirror,
sucking in my stomach,
and teaching myself to breathe through my chest
as if I had a flat stomach.
If beauty is of the mind,
Why did I spend so much money
on jeans that are too big for me now.
If beauty is of the mind,
Why didn't I dress the way I wanted to?
How can I say
I hate the industry of modeling
When those models
Were once my physical role models.
Why didn't I understand that
The idea of beauty
Is strictly physical.
Because no matter how many times I cried,
"Beauty is of the mind,"
I lied.
Because I couldn't look at my mother
and tell her I'm happy.
I couldn't look in the mirror
And try to convince myself
That I love my thighs.
I can't explain
Why I wear makeup.
We are all
Equally ignorant
about physicality.
Ignorance is bliss.
Because now
I can tell myself I'm beautiful.
