Something they don't teach you in school;
You can taste heartbreak.
You don't realize it when you fall in love.
You feel simple and great Until something happens And that person's gone
And your chest con-caves
And you feel like you're drowning
That there's no more air left for you
That you're being swallowed into a burning But chilling secluded area
Where it's only you
With this taste on your lips
And a bitterness in your throat
And you wonder if it will ever go away
Or if you have to wait until you fade
And all you want is for that one person to love you
Just a little louder.
You find someone so wonderful
But they sink their hungry teeth into your skin and hold you frozen in their jaws
And you go home and carve freedom into your walls
And you just wait until they give up on you
And the world begins to fade into a blurred teardrop and you smile
As the burning makes you smile and you close your eyes.
Something they don't teach you in school;
Death isn't poetic.
You picture your last crescendo
Waltzing towards the train as if you were dancing
Because it would be beautiful to die in a beautiful way
As if meeting death with a dance is beautifulWhen you have two left feet and small hands.
Or maybe you'll end yourself with your small hands
And watch crimson roll out of your legs in a poetic wave
Or you can just dissolve into the night and say you're sorry with a smile on your face.
But death isn't poetic.
You can end sitting on your bathroom floor clutching the trash can filled with reeking acid as you chug a bottle of Jack Daniels and finish off your antidepressants.
And you can drown yourself with lack of air
And you'll finish off your anti anxiety meds
Because when you meet God, you don't want to tremble.
But sometimes you wake up in the morning and try to scrub off the smell of your attempts the night before
And wait for life to enter your lungs so you can see another day go by.
Something they don't teach you in school;
Someday you will be touched so kindly that you believe it.
Suddenly your heartbeat is listened to with sincerity,
And this soul in front of you turns into a canvas and you paint your love away.
Your two souls intertwine and create a work of art
With every breath and every light touch.
Every rough touch creating an overbearing light
And suddenly everything is a paintbrush and a canvas
Painting over every bruise and scar with forgiveness
And it will feel so real
That you don't realize this canvas is taking every bit of paint from you
And you begin to lose yourself until you are a skeleton,
This canvas standing above your remains in silence.
And your soul begins to ache
And you feel sick
And your legs give out as your canvas,
That beautiful soul,
Fades away.
You'll wonder why a piece of you seems so far away
And why you feel disgusting
And why you look so pale.
You'll wonder what happened
Because oh god you were so in love.
You remember the first time this happened,
When your heart was returned, it ached so intensely
But you got better.
But now your heart has been torn to pieces,
Each piece scattered around every inch we traveled across in that short time
And it hurts so bad because there's a piece at the bottom of their shoe
And they won't stop walking away
And you feel every step they take
And you feel a part of you being taken away from you with every stride
And you don't know where the other pieces are,
Maybe on that rock where you kissed.
Maybe they were left in the living room.
Maybe they fell into the water.
Maybe they're still with you but you can't see them behind the pollution they injected into your skin.
You can feel the parts of your heart stuck in the past where it all began.
And you can feel your mind trying to communicate to your heart that it's over and it's going to be okay and you don't have to pick your skin and pull your hair.
But you were used.
You had beautifully crafted yourself and everything was taken from you
Because you loved something that didn't love you.
You loved something that didn't give away a single piece of themselves.
You gave everything you had until you were left with your own remains.
And you rip your arms apart and cry
And spill everything left of you
While your canvas stares at you with a tear traveling down, and hitting the ground.
And finally you received something, but it wasn't enough.
So you leave your canvas.
Something they don't teach you in school;
You can taste heartbreak.
And it tastes like shit.
