Time Machine (editing)

Here comes the self destruction - ✓

I roamed around the city. Hours have passed, but I couldn't pick up my broken pieces. I just really couldn't wait for the days to pass. I had four days left, yet it felt like eternity. How would they pass if I had the lovey-dovey couple in front of me? The thought made me want to puke. The guy I fancy with my.. 

Well, how should I call her? 
Here's another thing I cannot understand. The same girl I met six days ago, the funny, the independent, the fearless... transformed into something completely else by the time she saw June. 
She became the 'I-will-be-June's-girlfriend-even-if-he-doesn't-want-me-to-call-him-June', the girl that once valued friendship over all, is now shooing her friend away because of a silly desire. Maybe, maybe I was the silly one here, maybe I had to accept that they belonged together.

My feet took me outside of the hotel. I was hesitant to enter, fidgeting with the key on my hand. I didn't want her to brag about her date with Junjae, how great it was and stuff. I was just not in the mood.

Nevertheless, I entered. There was something I didn't expect at all. There was Junjae kissing Eunjae, completely not caring that people were around. And they kissed, and kissed, and kissed. And there was I, looking, wanting to cry, not knowing what to do... 

I tried to sneak in, but Junjae saw me and pushed away Eunjae, stopping their making out. He gaped and Eunjae laughed. 

'Silly June! Don't be shy, she's our friend after all! She wants us to be together!' She laughed and hugged him. Of course, when she hugged him, I let for a second my cool facade slip; something Junjae saw. He went to say something but I shook my head.
She turned around and gave me a toothy grin

'Narassi, I cannot thank you enough! This is amazing, like you made us the couple we are now! You cannot imagine what we did today! I ordered the couples portion on McDonalds, and they brought us a chicken nugget that was heart shaped! They got us a coca-cola that was huuuuge and we shared it! It was awesome, we didn't want to leave!'

"Really? That's great!" I said, trying to control my sadness. Not in front of them Sandra, keep it together, woman up.

'Yes, Nara. I had a great time with her, thanks for telling me to stay on that date. She's everything I like. She's shorter than me..'

Yet I was almost the same height with you- I think I am taller, details details.

'She has beautiful long hair...'

I had chopped mine because I felt sadness looking at my frizzy hair without styling it.

'Perfect skin...'

I still had scars from trying to suicide. Especially on my wrists. 

'And an even more perfect character.' He finished, with a bullet to my heart.

I just realized how hideous I am. Not just my skin, as in hair and characteristics, but also my character. 
I am hideous because I pushed away a person I liked, for his own good.

I told them goodnight and I went up to my room. I hadn't felt like this before. Was I that bad of a person? I locked my room and in a millisecond, I had pushed everything that was on the table off. I saw things breaking, but my rage didn't stop there. I continued to the bathroom where I continuously punched the mirror. Billion pieces fell down, while the ones remaining stayed intact, mocking me by showing me my broken face. I felt my knees giving up on me, I slid down and looked at the mess I have done. My fingers were full of blood, so did the mirror. My bare feet had stepped on the shards, starting to bleed out.
I felt tears streaming down my face, but I got so angry I wiped them off with my bloodied hands. I let an angry sound and got up. I looked my face in the mirror and started laughing. Yes, laughing.

Dear myself, what the f- is wrong with you? You never needed anyone, you never loved anyone, you never had friends, no one cared about you, so now why are you being like that? How could you fall in love with a boy like that in a matter of days? Are you stupid? Are you that naive?
How could you feel that thing you talk about nonstop these days, love? No, you'll never love and never be loved! You were an accident, and you still breathing is also an accident! So, you know your place, how could you feel even love for him? How can you love a person in a few days? Crazy b-ch! 

I hissed all these painful things to the mirror, where I made sure to swipe my hand through the broken mirror so I could cut my self even more. I looked like a mad woman- my face was full of blood, my hair looked like a birds nest, I looked bad. But I continued laughing anyway. It wasn't a happy laugh though. A malicious one. 

I hated my existence, so I was going to make them hate it too. 

I went into my room in a frenzy, and grabbed a chair. With force I threw it down so it broke. I unplugged the foot, not feeling ready to do what I am supposed to do. I unlocked the door and run down the stairs. The couple was nowhere to be found, but that didn't stop me at all.

BANG! The first warning.

I grabbed the wooden club and made a move like I was in a baseball game. My first aim was the receptionist's booth. With all my force and power I smashed it continuously, almost destroying the piece of wood. Leaving it alone for now, I went to the drawers where the keys where. I brought it down with one hit. All keys fell down, but that didn't please me. I went to the windows, broke them. I went to furniture, broke it as well. Two figures appeared from the kitchen's door, the couple. They were holding two glasses, both of them let them fall on the floor, I wasn't sure why. From shock? Fear? I'll never ask.

I continued smashing everything that was on my view, until I felt strong hands sneaking up on me. I pushed him away, threatening to hit him too.

'You wouldn't do that....'

"Try me." I hissed and I saw him hurt. His expression said it all. I wanted to die, but I had to stay strong. 

As I continued smashing, I moved towards the door, to go outside. I hit with the club as many things as I could. 

BANG!

S--ew you too stupid noise!

Passengers looked me in aw, not being able to understand what this crazy girl did to someone's property. Some cussed me out. Others were screaming to call the police. I didn't heard the sirens until I felt some even stronger arms disarming me. 

"Yah! Leave me alone!" I tried to squiggle out of their strong grasp, but nothing really happened. 

Before they lead me inside, a girl came near me. A tear stained Eunjae neared me. 

She looked at me, and then slapped me hard. I let out a laugh. My cheek really stung.

'How could you... after everything..' she muttered. She shook her head and I shrugged.

"I'll send someone pick up my belongings. Glad I met you." I gave a toothy grin, but I felt the warm blood on them, so I spat it out like I was a grandpa. The police officers without words, placed me into the car, and sped up to the police station. I was full of blood, from head to toe, I had messed everything, but I didn't care at all. 

I was getting punished from being alive. 

EDITED - 18-NOV-2017