{Shai}
Theo and I lie in bed together. Part of me thinks, "Why the hell am I lying in bed with some man I've only known for a week?" Another a part of me thinks, "Oh dear Lord. I want him, I want Theo." Another part just wants to kiss him and cry.
It wasn't like we were going to have sex. I was 22. He was 29. Seven years was a pretty large increment. I've had sex with random strangers at those kinds of parties I'll never go to again. God knows what Theo's done. But his past doesn't matter to me now.
We lie facing each other; I stare into his big brown eyes. They were so so beautiful. Theo strokes my hair softly, not saying a word. I see his muscles protruding from his shirt. He stares right back at me.
Then my eyes find his lips. They were so plump, only slightly chapped. I wanted to kiss those lips so badly. I just wanted to love him.
I study his fingernails. They were cut short and kind of stubby. They were kind of beautiful in their own way, I guess.
My eyes return to his lips. I couldn't resist it. I leaned over and kiss him a little forcefully. He doesn't respond for a second but then kisses me back, pushing for more. Theo pulls me closer to him, kissing my forehead, my nose, my cheeks and my lips. His kisses were soft and I wanted to savor them. We kiss some more, each time more forcefully, more wanting. I just wanted to be loved by Theo and to be with him and to kiss him forever.
The annoying part of my brain says, "Hey, Shailene, you shouldn't be this stupid! Stop kissing this boy and get some shit done!"
But I just kept kissing him. I realized my eyes were closed and I opened them, and right there I was staring into those big brown eyes I'd fallen in love with. Our noses were almost touching. Theo just stares at me, I stare at him. I study his crisp features. The little stubble on his chin, his hooked nose that was too big for his face, his spot on eyebrows, his big big big brown eyes.
Then he whispers something that wrenches my heart over and over, like a damp mop. "I love you." He stares at me intently.
I nod and close my eyes because I don't think I could manage anything more.
/////////////
{Theo}
Today is the day. The day I have to leave. To fight a stupid war.
I shave the stubble off my chin and I shave my hair. I try my best to make it look reasonable. Tufts of dark brown hair fall to the floor. I try not to think about dying and fighting and holding a gun and leaving. I slip on a dress shirt and button the buttons. I wear dress pants and tuck my shirt in. I look at my reflection in the mirror. I look at my dark 6' 1" complexion. I glance over my body. I heave a sigh and walk away.
Shailene stands in my kitchen frying eggs. She's wearing a loose flowery dress and her hair is in a messy bun. It takes my will not to run up to her and wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her, hard.
She turns around and smiles her big crooked smile. "Good morning! Your hair, it...it looks good." She laughs at her loss of words. I simply can't resist this anymore.
I take 3 big steps toward Shai and I grab her with my arms and press my lips to hers. I pull back and stare into her hazel green eyes. I could spend forever staring into them. She bursts out in laughter and I join her.
She pits her nimble finger on my lips. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to cook."
We eat together and enjoy ourselves. But soon our happiness is extinguished. We both know that we have to say goodbye. Shai's eyes look so sad, it bursts my heart. Her voice cracks a little. She sighs, "You have everything?" I clench my teeth tightly. "Yes." Shai doesn't hesitate. "God, Theo, I'm gonna miss you so much. So so much." Tears prick the corners of my eyes and hers. I try not to sob and I see she's trying not too, either. "I'll get my stuff." The longer I look at her, the more the flame grows.
The time I come back, she's standing at the door with her purse. I decide not talking is better. I grab her hand and she holds tight. We go to my car and I drive. She stares straight out her window, silent the whole way. When I park in the lot, I say, "I'll call whenever I can." She knows that I have training to do. Shai nods silently and we go into the airport.
People milling around, people checking in, people eating. Once I check in, it'll be goodbye.
"This is no time for delay, Theo. Just do what you can." Shai's voice is firm, but I can see her sad hazel eyes, a single tear falling down her cheek.
I feel knives stabbing me in the heart. I just want to sob and hold her tight and some part of me wants to die. But I listen, and I get in line. I feel weak, like I'm wounded, and this stupid war in Ukraine and the U.S. always interfering, 'preventing damage.' But there always will be damage. It's a part of life. I stare at the tiles on the floor and try not to cry. I don't want to fight this stupid war. I don't want to put my life in danger. I'm selfish, yes. But I don't want any soldiers to go to war. I wish they could savor their lives, instead of having to fight in a war. Even though it shows you're courageous, what's the point? Why not save your life and live happily? I want to be with Shailene. I want to love her. I want to protect her. I want us to be secure.
I check in my suitcase and I get my ticket. I walk back to Shai. This is it. The time to part. She stands with her arms crossed, tears pricking. I clench my teeth and try not to cry. I have to be strong, for her. I can't let her down. Or anybody else.
I just hug her. I hug her tight. I hug her so she knows I'll always be by her side. Even if I don't make it, I'll meet her in Heaven. Because that's what happens. She squeezes my shoulders tight. I know I have to go.
She lets go and kisses me lightly, one last time. "I love you, Theo. No matter what."
Tears are rolling down my cheeks. "Please stay strong, Shailene." I sigh and squeeze her shoulders one last time, and I let my arms drop. I heave my backpack on my back.
I walk through the gate, the person scanning my ticket. I look over at Shai one last time. I take in everything. Her messy hazel blonde hair thrown into a bun. One hand clutching her purse, her nails painted dark blue. Her blue flowy flowery dress that's knee length. Her white converse, slightly dirty. Her gold studs in her ears. Her pink, soft lips. Her dainty nose. And her eyes. Her hazel green flecked eyes, that hold so much. They hold so much. Her eyes meet mine one last time.
My eyes flick away. I sigh one more time, pursing my lips. Then I walk away.
Prepare yourselves for the worst.
So sorry I haven't updated in like a week. This chapter-ew. But still, in the second part with Theo narrating, the song I listened to was Human by Christina Perri. It actually made me cry, in case you wondering. Sorry for any typos. Hang loose, guys. (Lol idek)
-Alaska😉💘
