Cuts That Spell Zane x Reader {Massive Editing}

Cuts that spell

Y/ns POV:
I walk inside greeted by my mother and father.. well.. my adoptive ones..

they see my bruises, the blood still stained on my uniform, and the bandages...

their faces look worried...

"What happened?" Lily says hugging me

"School." I mutter

"who did this" dave asks me

i shruge

"Please tell us" Dave begs

"I dont know, i didnt see their face. This is normal you dont need to worry" They says and i push out of the hug and i walk into the kitchen and pick flower out of her baby seat

"hey flower" I say to flower and she giggles and smiles

Lily walks into the room and sits next to the chair closes to me

"please... tell me... I dont want you hurt... I know that school brings back memories... we can have you change schools if this happens again" She says looking at me her hand cupping my cheek

"I dont want to change schools!" I says raising my voice

"Then help us find the people who beat you up, they should be expelled" Lily  says calmly

"like i said i dont know, it didnt even hurt..." I says

She sighs and i set flower in her arms

i hear a knock at the door

"Y/n honey, there is someone at the door for you." Dave says from the other room

"Who is it?" I ask

"Zane" Dave says

i sigh

"Tell him to go away!" I say loudly so he can hear me from the other room

lilys face turns to confused

"Arent you and him together? Why dont you want to see him?" Lily says confused

"I have alot of homework thats why..." I say and i walk upstairs to my room

Zanes POV:
"please let me go see her.. She ran away from me scared when Aph and I helped her when she got hurt... I think somethings wrong with her and i want to talk to her" i plead with him

Dave sighs... contemplating...

"Im sorry... You can talk to her tomorrow... She needs to rest.." Dave says and i sigh sadly and nod

Y/ns pov: 

~At midnight~
I skipped dinner... i havent left my room which is normal...

a voice starts ringing in my head... its strange... i always had a voice telling me im worthless. or to cut... but this is diffrent... its tellign me to cut... something... in my arm

i... i listen and i go to the bathroom in my room... and i take the blade off of my razor..

i look at it and memories flash before my eyes...

me beating hit... starved.. yelled at... 

then the last memory makes me mad..

its me as a kid...

with ivy

she screams at me that mom left because of me... everything wrong with the world is because of me...

she grabs a pair of scissors annd stabs my arm.. i yelp in pain.. and two people walk past us... seeing us.. doing nothing.... just laughing at their conversation and ignoring it...

then ivy slaps me...

maybe since we were kids.. it was ok for ivy to hurt me...

no it is ok for people to hurt... so many people have passed me by.. when i cried for help.,,

its natural...

im the weak everyone else... is strong

i dont deserve this life!

I DONT DESERVE ANYTHING

i think with anger raging in my soul.. my eyes could light you on fire with its glare

the blade in my hand.... i roll up my sleeves and see all the old scars.. no new ones have been added in months...

i dragged the blade across my skin like a ballerina dancing at the recital that will get her noticed

tears stream down my face... but i love the pain... the voice in my head is laughing saying YES! YES!

i spell the words in my arms

"Worthless.." 

"Freak"

blood hits the floor...

drip. drop. drip. drop.

the drips flood my ears the pain made me happy...

i smiled wilts my tears faded into a forgotten memory

of me...

i remember when i was a kid.. mom was still here... Ivy likes me... we would play all day..

i smiled a genuine smile wore short sleeves with only a scar on my chin from when i ran while playing tag to fast...

to bad... that was when i was little... 5 years old.. mom was gone... i was alone.. in a war zone...

Ivy hated me.. i hated me...

i patched up the cuts with a bandage...

so in the morning it will be healed as permanent scars..

the words will always be there

how it should be...

as a reminder...

what the voice told me to do...

i was worthless. a freak

i dont deserve Zane.. I dont deserve the shadow knights as friends.. i dont deserve aphmau as a friend

i dont  deserve Jada... i dont deserve flower, dave, or lily.

i dont even deserve Ivy...

sad thing is.. i trust her... i love her as my sister... and she hates me...

i put the blade back on the razor and cleaned the spilled blood on the floor... i pulled down my sleeves, the buttons on the sleeve so i can roll it up stabbed at on of the cuts...

i smiled at the pain.. a weak broken... barley used smile... well a real smile.. my fake smile looked polished and brand new... it looked real... it looked perfect...

i brush my teeth and go to bed pretending that there are not scars on my arms...

i pray that i will wake up in the morning with a good day ahead... and good day is not getting beaten up so much that i have blood pouring out of my broken skin...

but the sounds of the drips sound fun..

well thats what the voice in my head thinks...