Good Enough

Untitled Part 18

          Do you ever stop and just look around you; like really look. See everyone just going through life like it's nothing, just something you do so easily. Then you stop and look at yourself, and wonder why life handed you the shitty end of the deal? How can life be so perfect one moment and come crumbling down the next? It's not fair, and it's not fair that you can't just scream it out for the whole world to hear because you fear so much. I wish I could go back in time and change everything, maybe then my family would all be together, I would have a normal life, and things wouldn't suck so much....

          "Hello pretty lady, did you hear a single word I just said?" Jessica says taking me out of my train of thought. I was still standing in the hallway where moments ago I was listening to Nate on the phone. That conversation left me more confused than ever and I wanted to know what was going on and why Cameron wasn't here. "Like I was saying, my mom said you could sleepover again if you wanted," she repeats herself. As we got out to the parking lot I noticed Nate and the boys were already gone. 

          "Where's the boys?" I say, because usually they are all waiting for us by their cars after school.

          "Oh, Nate said they had some stuff to do or something like that. I don't know, they were all acting a little weird today. And Nate had some bruises and cuts that he wouldn't tell me how he got them, and it wasn't from me," she says making ma laugh a little. But it was all just so strange how weird they were all acting. "Anyways, you going to spend the night?" she asked again.

          "No, I have to face my mom sooner or later," I tell her making her give me a sad look. "I'll be okay Jess. I promise to call if things get to heated like last time," I reassure her. She offers me a small smile before speaking again.

          "Are you going to tell her about what has been happening?" she says in a soft voice. I knew that she was referring to the Ben situation. But I wasn't going to be telling anyone that, not yet because I couldn't even accept what had happened.

          "Not yet... I can't," I whisper as we walk down the street. Thankfully Jessica and I lived only two roads apart so the walk wasn't lonely. It was about a fifteen minute walk from school to my house. As I walked up my driveway I seen my moms car in the garage. It was weird seeing a car here for a change, besides my own. I never drive my car, it was a gift from my dad for my sixteenth birthday; ever since he died I haven't touched it. Ignoring the sadness that was taking over my body from looking at the car, I walked in the house and the sound of music and the smell of cooking hit me. Setting my backpack down by the door and kicking off my shoes, I slowly made my way through the house toward the kitchen. I stopped when I heard my mother singing along to the music, something I haven't heard her do since I was a little girl. 

          "You stayed at Jessica's house two nights in a row, I'm surprised you came home," she suddenly says as she turns the music down and turns toward me. I avoid eye contact with her, because I knew she had a sad look on her face and she always uses that against me. "Her mom didn't even know I was in town until I called her a few moments ago," she adds on. 

          "Yeah well, I guess I forgot to mention it to her," I say looking at the ground. I hear her let out a sigh and set the spoon she was cooking with down on the counter, making it echo through the empty house. 

          "When are you going to stop acting so childish and have an adult conversation with me Allison," she asked making me finally look at her. She wasn't sad now, a mix of anger and frustration was all over her face as she looked back at me. Suddenly a wave of anger came over me, because she was calling me childish.

          "That's golden coming from you!" I say raising my voice at her making her look shocked but stands her ground. "I'm childish? I am more of an adult than any child should be at eighteen. Because I was left to grow up by myself and fend for myself!" I shout at her. She doesn't speak, just looks at me blankly. "I lost my dad, then I lost my big brother, and I lost my mother! How do you think that effects a child? How do you expect me to act toward you after you abandoned me!" I scream. I was so mad that I didn't realize I had tears streaming down my face.