This collection is made up of some flash fiction and short stories I've written about Mel Parker, the main character in my story Wedding Hells (on Wattpad) and my book The Dr Pepper Prophecies (on Amazon). They are set after TDPP, so some references may not make sense if you haven't read the book. That said, the stories should still be enjoyable. All you really need to know is: for Mel, if it can go wrong, it will.
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Sunday
9st 8 (oh God), bars of Dairy Milk 4 (but only small ones), calories – don’t ask
Not a good day.
Forgot toast under grill due to obsessively watching Dr Who while Will out buying chocolate. Said toast caught on fire. Discovered when fire alarm went off due to smoke pouring out of the kitchen. Couldn’t find fire extinguisher Will swore he’d put with the soup tins. Attempted to smother fire with tea towel but forgot crucial stage of wetting it first. Tea towel caught on fire as well. Dropped tea towel, unfortunately next to roll of kitchen towel. Fire spread. Spotted fire extinguisher in laundry pile (why?!). Attempted to use fire extinguisher to halt spread of now quite enthusiastic kitchen fire. Couldn’t work out how to remove safety catch. Grabbed bottle of drink to put out fire. Did not help. Checked bottle – beer.
Abandoned fire, grabbed phone, ran out of Will’s flat. Attempted to call fire brigade. Got no signal. Ran to neighbour’s door and hammered on it. Greasy forty-something neighbour answered. Neighbour leered at cleavage revealed by vest top and no bra. Explained about fire. Neighbour stopped leering and dialled 999. Leering Neighbour and I left his flat and activated fire alarm. Sprinklers went off. Got drenched. White top went see-through. Leering Neighbour stepped efforts up a notch. Had to hold breasts to chest as pelted down stairs. Then had to stand outside building, in rain, with see-through top. Very cold wind did not help. Even arrival of suitably hunky firemen did not make up for exposure. Also, Leering Neighbour very attentive until Will arrived back.
Firemen put fire out. Returned to flat. Kitchen smoke-damaged and oven wrecked. Worse still, now have no bread for toast.
On the upside, Will says I’m not allowed to cook anymore.
