you & me

2.

thantophobia , noun : the phobia of losing someone you love

             
🎵cherry hill - russ🎵

it was 2:15am when you called. they say nothing good happens after two am. i picked up the phone, you were crying.

you said you don't want me anymore. that exact moment my heart broke into million of pieces, the dreams inside my stomach died, i couldn't breathe. everything was dying, so i closes my eyes and wished to die.

you were still crying and it was breaking my heart more each second. i didn't ask for any explanation, i didn't know what went wrong but i guess it has always been what you wanted, so i guess that's why i didn't question you.

the next morning my heart ached, my eyes were bloodshot.

you left me a voicemail.

my mother asked if i was okay, i replied i was.

and i stood there heartless, feeling like someone snatched away my breath and i couldn't get it back. the tears were unlatching from my eyes falling endlessly to my stiff feet there i was feeling souless,broken, like someone just punctured my life with a deadly knife.

weeks later i was sitting in my room, it was just a normal day, just another day when i was feeling like i should die. my friend came in my room and asked if i have heard you. i shook my head. they said "she's gone" and i knew this was gonna be the end of me.

i was just crying, i didn't knew what do to. it was like i finally found the missing piece of the puzzle, finally found the reason you didn't want me. that's when i finally realised that it has always been me, not you. you have always made decisions that would be better for me, that's when i realised you have always thought about me, for you it has always been me.

i just wish you would have given me the chance to love you till the last second, i just wish we had more time together, i just wish that i should have helped you more. i sat there, waiting for another life, life where you and i will be forever.

i sat there, cherishing what you left me with, our love, our memories. that's when i opened your voicemail, it said

"sometimes loving is hard, but sometimes timing is harder. i'll always love you, even if our times won't match"