dear evan hansen zoevan one shots

"he's dead because of you"

"okay i'll call you when i get to your dorm." Zoe said into the phone as she walked to her car

"alright. i'll see you soon Zo, i love you." she heard her sweet boyfriend say

"love you." she hung up the phone

Zoe was just finishing up after work and was on her way to meet her boyfriend of 5 years at his college.

when she got there, she called his phone. he didn't answer which wasn't unusual since Evan wasn't big on talking on the phone, plus she figured he was still driving.

she got out of the car and walked up to his dorm building. she had a key so she let herself in. when she got to his dorm, she unlocked the door and walked over to his side of the room. it was very similar to his room at home, blue accents everywhere, a color she learned was Evan's favorite.

she sat on his bed, waiting for him to come home.

it wasn't until 2 hours later that she started to worry, at first she wrote it off as he stopped somewhere or there was traffic and he was just running late. but now she was scared, it wasn't like Evan to just not show up.

his roommate Jack had come back about an hour ago before grabbing some friends from Evans classes to go look for him. 

eventually they all went out looking for him, Zoe continued to call him, only getting his voicemail,

"hey, this is Evan...um leave a message."

she smiled a little at his voice, "Evan, baby, it's Zoe...please answer your phone or at least let me know you're okay, i love you."

the college students searched for hours for Evan, checking the entire campus as well as the surrounding town, he was nowhere to be seen.

Zoe decided to call her mom, "hi mom, it's Zoe...something happened."

after hours of searching with no luck, Zoe decided to head home. she decided to go the Hansen house to see if Evan had just decided to go home.

she was heading down the street when her phone rang, she pulled over to answer it.

it was Heidi.

"hey Heidi-" she was cut off,

"Zoe...where are you?"

"um i was on the way to your house..."

"you need to get here."

Zoe hung up the phone and drove directly to the Hansen home, there was a cop car outside.

Zoe pulled into the driveway and got out of the car, running up to the door and walking in.

"Zoe..."

"where is he?! where's Evan?!"

"miss, i think you need to sit down." the police officer said

"where is my boyfriend?!"

"Zoe...i'm so sorry sweetheart, Evans gone."

Zoe didn't understand, "where did he go?"

"no Zoe, he's passed away." Heidi said, choking back tears herself

Zoe fell onto the couch, tears threatening to pour out, "he's dead?"

Heidi could only nod, the police officer took over from there, "it was a car accident, we suspect he either fell asleep or looked down to check his phone. he went off the road and hit a rail, it was instant...he didn't feel a thing."

Zoe was historically sobbing, she excused herself and went up to Evans room. she needed to be close to him right now.

she opened the door and took a deep breath, she slowly walked to his bed and layed down. she sobbed quietly into his pillow.

the next few days were a blur.

there were a few news stories going around about the accident and what everyone thought had happened. they had a funeral in the coming week. Zoe and her family were there, Cynthia, Larry, and even Connor who didn't know the boy that well.

everyone told Zoe how sad they were for her and that they knew how much he loved her. that he was looking down on her. but she didn't understand why he wasn't there. she didn't understand what had happened, why he was taken away from her so quickly.

after the private burial, Zoe continued to spend her time in Evans room, she didn't go through anything but she just sat there in his presence. she cried and laughed and got mad all in that tiny bedroom.

she didn't know what to do with her life, Evan and her had been together for almost 5 years, they were both in college now, both preparing for their future; the future they had hoped to have together but was now torn to shreds.

it wasn't until all the mean comments started coming in that she allowed herself to think about the actual accident.

he's dead because of you...if you didn't text him or call him while he was driving, he wouldn't have gotten distracted! it's your fault!

it wasn't the first time she'd heard that theory, that she caused it because she couldn't wait for him to contact her.

it broke her heart. she didn't know if she'd ever be able to forgive herself, so she started by asking him to forgive her...by writing letters.

dear evan hansen,