Forever and Always

The Black Dog

He watched her as she pushed her dinner round and round her plate, not eating much of it. 'Not hungry?' She shook her head and dropped the fork on the plate with a sigh. 'Do you want me to make you something?' He asked 'do you fancy something different?' She shook her head again. 'Are you sure? Because I really don't mi--' 'yes. I'm sure' she snapped 'I'm just not hungry right now' she got up and went upstairs. He thought he could cheer her up by taking her somewhere nice the next day, he wondered if she'd had a bad day at work but he didn't want to ask in case he upset her even more. He waited a little while before he decided to go up to bed, when he got up there she was already asleep. He rubbed gently at the frown lines on her forehead and gave her a kiss on the forehead 'I love you' he whispered as he turned off the light. He heard a noise in the kitchen during the night and turned immediately to check on her. Upon discovering that she was gone, he went downstairs and found her standing at the kitchen sink washing up. 'What are you doing sweetie?' He rubbed his eyes and looked over to the clock 'it's 3am' she turned to face him 'I couldn't sleep' she said quickly and turned back to dry up the last of the plates. 'Come back to bed' he persuaded 'do you want to talk to me about anything?' She stopped and put the last plate on the side, pulling off the gloves with a snap, 'no. Nothing that I can think of' she said going to him and hugging him 'I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier' he wrapped his arms around her 'it's okay. Come on, let's go to bed hmm?' She nodded and followed him upstairs again. The next morning, she woke up before him and she was downstairs making breakfast when he woke up. He sat down at the table, 'do you want to do something today? Like go to the theatre or a museum or something?' 'I have some work to do today' she said as she turned around, setting the plates down on the table. They sat in silence, passing a comment now and then, until he decided to confront her. 'Do you feel different?' He said, shattering the silence that had fallen between them, she looked up at him with a mixture of confusion and interest 'how so?' He shrugged 'you seem different. Almost like you're not you anymore: like someone has taken that sparkle from your eyes and crushed it into a million pieces' she felt his gaze bare deep into her soul 'I've been a little down lately I guess' she said quietly, looking down into her cereal bowl. 'I want you to speak to someone' he said 'why? There's nothing to talk about. I know why I feel like this' he looked at her wig surprise 'you do?' He assumed that she was unaware of her constant sadness 'the one thing that I want the most, I can't have. I'm pretty sure that's the reason Oscar, what else could make me like this?'

He took her out for lunch in London that day. He felt awful that he had known she seemed different but hadn't confronted her about it straight away. They sat in the park together, a cup of coffee each to warm their cold fingers and they talked about how they could make more effort to have a family of their own. 'There's always artificial conception' he offered 'or even adoption'. She turned to him 'I want to have my own baby. With you' he put his arm around her and held her tightly 'I know, but sometimes you have to make the best of the situation you're in'. They got up to leave and he took her to a lecture led by a prestigious psychologist that she admired. He had spoken to Miranda over the phone and she had agreed to meet Cecelia and speak to her in person. He was surprised at the level of intelligence required in her field of study, and was amazed to learn that she had a psychology doctorate. She listened intently to the lecture and he saw her come out of her shell a little as she discussed the lecture with others high up in the field afterwards. She joined in the psychology jokes and offered facts and experiences into the conversation. Miranda came over to greet them, naming them all as 'intent listeners and intellectual minds'. He could see the excitement in her face as she talked to Dr. Miranda about her work, 'you must be Oscar Black' she said holding out her hand to him, he took it and gave her a warm handshake 'yes I am', 'well thank you so much for bringing your wife along today, shes a very interesting character' he smiled as he saw her talking to another lady across the room 'she is, isn't she?' Miranda nodded 'and a great thinker too, very intelligent'. As the after-party began to come to a close, they decided to go home again. They were in the car on the way home and she thanked him over and over for taking her there. 'You feel better now then?' 'Oh yes! I feel in touch with reality again' she said with the excitement of a girl meeting her favourite band member.

He hoped that he had helped her to recover a little, but was slightly deflated to find her only a little better the next morning.