the morning after

"i am angry"

for so long
i've tried to tell people
to overcome their anger
and extinguish their rage

but the truth is
i am angry too
i am so angry
i am angry at people
i am angry that they
get weaved into crowds
whom mime each others footsteps
i am angry that they
see the light yet so
consciously ignore it

"i am so angry", i think
as i face the rain
and just for a second
as i sat in my mums car backseat
a thought runs across my mind
"they don't deserve you
the people don't deserve you, yadana
why are you trying to heal people who
deliberately hurt themselves?
why are you doing that
to yourself?
yadana, do you hate yourself?"
if you're a fellow emotional wreck
you could guess what happened next
my engine broke down
my heart began to pound
the car switched lanes
then my tears ran down
in the rhythm of the rain

i was so afraid
that this was all for nothing
but most importantly

i was angry.
so angry.
i am still angry.
but ironically,
i'm angry at my angry.