I sat on the couch with my head in my hands. My eyes were dry and tired from the excessive amount of tears I'd shed. There was no point in crying anymore, I'd effectively lost Jordan now. There was nothing I could do.
Why had I let Max back in like that? For the past 18 months I'd successfully (with some difficulty, I'll admit) got him out of my head and my life. Now he'd somehow managed to wriggle his way back in and I'd let my guard down just like that. I should've just told him to piss off when I had the chance. But no, I'm stupid and an idiot and I let his good looks fool me into thinking that it would be okay to chat with him and let him into the apartment!
Well done, Bea. You've really screwed things up this time. Asshat.
I heard the key in the lock and looked up to see Lexa and Jay come through the door. They both had huge grins on their faces.
"How'd it go? Did you tell the jerk where the stuff it?" Lexa took off her shoes and came and sat down next to me.
"Does it look like it?" I said flatly.
"Er," Lexa stared at me and shrugged.
"What happened?" Jay's grin turned into a frown.
"I've ruined everything," my voice went all shaky. "Max kissed me and I didn't stop him. I told Jordan over the phone after it happened and now...now I think I've lost him forever."
I wanted to cry but I could produce no tears. It was weird. All I could do was let my bottom lip tremble.
"Max kissed you?" Jay repeated.
"Yes! I just said that didn't I?!" I shouted. Instead of showing my emotions through tears, all I could do was just be angry. It seemed like that was the only emotion I had left in my body. Apart from desperation, of course.
"Where is he now?" Lexa looked around the room like I'd stuffed him in the broom closet or something.
"I threw him out afterwards! God, what kind of fool do you take me for?!"
"Why did you let him kiss you?" Lexa frowned.
"I don't know! I just...I don't know. I couldn't stop myself," I explained. "A part of me still loves him."
"But why?" Lexa asked.
It's like they didn't know me at all. The both of them were sat there with bewildered looks on their faces. I ignored Lexa's questions and got up to pace the room. It was a couple of minutes before anyone spoke again.
"Okay, Bea, I know it was hard getting over Max, but you're with Jordan now," Lexa stated.
"Don't you think I know that?" I replied, feeling irritated. "Look, you don't know how painful it is to just stop loving someone who had your heart for four years. You don't understand what it's like."
"We do though. We were with you all the time when you broke up, we knew what you were going through, Bea," Jay pointed out and I shook my head.
"No you don't! You don't know the emotion and the heartbreak and everything inbetween. It takes so much time to get over a four year relationship and when you see that person again, the person who you thought was your one true love, all the emotions and the feelings come flooding back and they're extremely hard to get rid of," I wanted to cry so bad but there was nothing left in my body to weep out. Just indescribable despair that could form no tears.
"But you're-"
"Yes, I know I'm with Jordan! Stop telling me stuff I already know!" I snapped.
"If you're going to get angry at us then there isn't much we can do to help," Lexa sounded a little bit agitated now.
"I don't need help. This is something I have to do on my own," I ran my fingers through my hair and sat down on the window sill
"Bea, you need to talk to us. We're your best friends, we can help. Try to help us understand. Please?" Jay pleaded but I shook my head.
"I've lost Jordan now. I don't see what hope there is left," It was like staring into an endless abyss of despair. I didn't know what to do right now.
"But you haven't lost Jordan! That's what I'm trying to tell you-"
"I've effectively lost him though," I interrupted Lexa.
"Not if he didn't say it himself," Lexa came and sat next to me. "Jordan is the right guy for you. Just listen to us, Bea. We're your friends, we're here to help."
"No, I need to do this on my own, okay?" I got up and went to my bedroom to collect my shoes and coat.
"Why can't you accept that Jordan is right for you?!" Lexa lost it and started shrieking at me. "Jesus, you're so stubborn!"
I ignored her and slipped on my shoes and grabbed my car keys from my bedside table. I totally blanked out the both of them and stomped to the apartment door.
"Where are you going now?!" she shouted.
"I don't know! I need to clear my head," I left and slammed the door.
God knows where I was going to but I needed to think things through. This was something Lexa nor Jay could help me with. I just needed to wrap my head around the past 12 hours.
I had to decide what was to happen for myself.
Hey all :) it's LFC's 120th birthday today so I decided to celebrate with an upload :)
I'll be back to uploading regularly in two weeks I think :) I just have two History exams left and then I'm done! I just thought I'd upload now coz I wanted to do it sometime this week but I feel rather ill so I might as well do it now before I'm struck down with feeling sick throughout the week. <----that sentence doesn't make sense at all...
Ugh, LFC's 120 today? That's how old I feel right now -.- I'm such an elderly woman, haha :P
Anyway, see you soon :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)
littlekopiteluu xx
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Red Hope
Fanfiction[A Jordan Henderson/LFC Fan Fiction] (Story 2). Bea Travis and Liverpool midfielder Jordan Henderson have been together for six months and the young couple are completely love struck with one another. But when Jordan goes away on pre-season, Bea's e...
