Red Hope

Chapter 9

For about two hours I ended up just driving around Liverpool not knowing where to go or what to do. On a couple of occasions I considered leaving the city altogether and driving back to London. I'd driven past Anfield a couple of times too to see if it would give me any thinking inspiration. But, my two hour journey had been proved unsuccessful.

It was around about half 9 when I unconsciously found myself driving in the direction of Jordan's apartment. I had driven to the Albert Docks to park the car up and go for a late evening stoll to clear my mind, but once I found myself around that area of the city, my brain automatically reminded me that Jordan's apartment was only ten minutes away. I then began heading in that direction; it was probably the best place to go if I wanted to think things through.

I locked up my Audi and made my way to Jordan's place. Once I got to his door, I slipped the spare key he gave to me from my bag, unlocked the door and went inside.

It was weird to think that I was only here this morning saying goodbye to Jordan. I'd kissed him and given him that squirrel. Jeez, it seemed like a million years ago considering what has happened in the past few hours.

I sat down on his couch and looked around the place. So many memories had been made here over the past six months. I remembered the time we'd attempted to make paella but had accidentally burnt everything. There had been countless occasions where I had kicked Jordan's ass at FIFA, but we'd also teamed up to play some of his team mates online and had completely whooped their asses.

I then looked over at the wall next to the apartment door and let out a giggle. There was a massive dent in the sea green wall like someone had thrown something huge at it. That was only slightly true. A couple of months back, Jordan had organised a surprise party for my birthday at his place. Everyone turned up: Jordan's team mates, some of the LFC back room staff (Kenny couldn't make it), a couple of members from the reserve and Youth teams, Lexa, Jay, Dylan, Aaron and even my mum and dad had come up from London! Anyway, there had been a pinata shaped shaped like Spongebob hanging from the ceiling and I'd got all competitive with Daniel Agger and Martin Skrtel over who could make it explode with the hardest hit. It was my turn to have a go so I took the stick, swung it over my head and ended up whacking the wall instead of the pinata. I couldn't be more sorry and embarassed after it had happened but Jordan laughed along with everyone else and said it was fine and that the dent in the wall was now like a keepsake. I couldn't see the funny side, all I could see was how much of a clumsy dumbass I was.

I then looked over to Jordan's bedroom door and sighed. There had been endless mornings where I would just wake up in his arms with that reassuring feeling in my heart that he was mine and we were happy.

I'd well and truly screwed things up this time, I knew it.

Before I could heave another sigh, I heard a bang and some movement coming from Jordan's room. I immediately sprang to my feet and grabbed the first item I could see. My weapon of choice? A lamp from the TV stand. I yanked the plug from the socket and grabbed onto the lead. I could maybe use it to whip the intruder to death...mind you, I'm not the best at hitting targets as I found out from my birthday pinata incident.

Wow, I'd suck in a zombie apocolypse!

Without thinking I whipped open his bedroom door and yelled. "Come out with your hands up! Drop your weapons! I'm not afraid to attack!"

I cringed and rolled my eyes at my stupid choice of words.

"It's okay. I won't hurt you," said a woman from inside his room. She appeared in the doorway and chuckled. "Please don't attack me with your lamp."

It was the woman from across the hall. Of course she'd be here, she cleans Jordan's place when he's away. I lowered the lamp and sheepishly put it back on the TV stand. "Sorry..."

"It's fine, love. I didn't mean to scare you," she gave me a warm smile. "I know I shouldn't be here at this time anyway."

"Oh, no, it's okay. I'm sure Jordan wouln't mind," At least I didn't think he would. Although he'd probably mind me being in his place right now because I'm such a dozy cow. I'd ruined him and I'd ruined us. My lip trembled as I thought this.

The Scouse woman wandered back into Jordan's room and then walked back into the living room with a hoover. "It's just that, Jordan wanted me to hoover his carpets and I thought it was better to do it sooner rather than later, you know?" she placed the hoover next to the apartment door and wiped her forehead. "Would you like a drink, sweetheart?"

I shook my head and before I could utter no, I burst into tears. It seemed like my tearducts had been reproducing over the last two hours then. I'd done so much crying today, jeez...

"Oh love, what's wrong?" the Scouse lady came and sat me down on the couch.

"I've messed everything up," I sobbed and shook my head.

"What's happened?" she asked and so I told her everything that had happened today. How Max had come back, how he'd kissed me, how I didn't stop him and then told Jordan what had happened and completely shattered his heart.

"I just don't know what to do, I feel helpless," I looked up at her and she nodded. Not once when I was talking did she interupt me. She just sat next to me contently and listened. "I'm sorry, I didn't ask for you name."

"It's okay, love. My name is Queenie," she gave me a reassuring smile. "You are Bea, correct?"

I nodded. "Jordan told you about me?"

"He's told me loads about you, love. You can tell how much he loves you, Bea,"

I sighed and wiped my eyes. "I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. I hardly know you."

Queenie chuckled. "It's fine. I hardly know you or Jordan but I know by the way he talks about you, it's very obvious what you should do," she sighed. "But, if you're not convinced then it's best to always think things through. Talking to others helps too, even if it's not to your closest friends."

I nodded. "My brain has been telling me that Max is the one I should be with. It's not been easy getting over him this past year and now he's back, it's like falling in love with him all over again."

"I understand," she said. "Love can sometimes be magic but magic can sometimes be an illusion. It takes a lot to know the difference."

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"The love you had for Max may not be true, yet what you have with Jordan is real. What you need to do, Bea, is know the disparity," Queenie said.

This was starting to annoy me. I was now always being told that Jordan was the right person and I somehow knew that but there was this barrier up that could only make me aware ot this. I couldn't necessarily see through this barrier and that was the problem. I wanted this barrier to just leave me alone and let me live my life; it had hold of my heart and it wouldn't let go.

"What do you do when your heart is in two places?" I asked, sighed and looked at Queenie. "This is so hard."

"All I can say is this, Bea: consider who needs your heart the most," she gave me a small smile and I bit my lip. "Don't go making any rash decisions that neither your heart or head agrees with."

I nodded in agreement. It looked like somehow I would have to bring this barrier down and fight for what was right before it was too late.

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Hey everyone :D I hope everything has been okay :)

I'm backkkk! Exams are over and I am raring to go with this story :D

I thought I'd upload as it's Jordan's birthday tomorrow :) aww, big 22 :D and still as hot as ever...wait what?! Anyway...

Just a side note on the part in the chapter about Kenny.

I don't really want to be changing managers for this series, it would be a whole heap of hard work and wouldn't really work with the plot line :L so...yeah, it's Kenny all the way :P

I've estimated that there will be around about 16 chapters to this story :)

Tell me what you think of this chapter! I love the feedback :)

Have a nice day ^.^

littlekopiteluu xx