Just a College Girl (girlxgirl) (Book 2)

Tragic Choices

What did I do?

My whole body feels like it's falling apart as the tears keep coming.

How could I do that? To the woman I love even, the one who means everything to me. Why did I cast that spell and hurt her? It wasn't supposed to do that. It wasn't supposed to hurt her. All it was supposed to do was help her. I just wanted to talk to her and tell her that I love her so that she'd have a reason to wake up and be with me again.

That's all. Things weren't supposed to happen this way. They weren't supposed to turn out like this. So why did they have to? Why did everything fall apart like it did? Why does my life have to always turn out like this? The people I love keep getting hurt or killed. All of them keep getting pulled further and further away from me until I lose them. No matter what I do or how hard I try to be happy, it keeps happening.

It's not fair and I can't stop it. My dad, my mom, Buffy, Tara, Anya, Carmen, all of them have left me in one way or another. If it hadn't been for the spell Willow cast to bring Buffy back to life, I never would've gotten her back. She would've been gone forever like everyone else. I'd be completely alone if it weren't for that spell. And now, there's Faith...

Nothing seems to stop the tears from coming out of me.

How could I do that to her? I love her more than anything. She means everything to me and I did that to her. The other times I didn't have any choice in the matter. Everything that happened was completely beyond my control. I couldn't stop my dad from leaving. I couldn't stop my mom from dying. There was only one way that I could've stopped Buffy from dying, and she wouldn't let me do it. She knew I had to jump off that tower to save the world, but instead she did it herself to save everyone else.

There was nothing I could do to save Tara. She was dead by the time I got there. Her body was lying on the floor, her shirt red with blood where the bullet had hit her in the chest and run straight through her body. I couldn't do anything to stop it, or anything else that Willow did because of what happened to Tara. She was the one person I felt I could talk to in a very bad time in my life and she died. I wanted to do something, but I couldn't.

After Anya died, all I could think about was the fact that she was alone when she died. No one should have that happen to them, the whole bus ride to the nearest town with a hospital that was pretty much the only thing on my mind. All the way there I did everything I could to keep everyone alive, but every free second I had, Anya and all the other people that didn't live through the battle popped into my head. The blood and gore all around me was the only thing that kept my mind off the death and destruction from Sunnydale.

And now there's Faith... what happened to her is different than what happened to everyone else though, because it's my fault. She's in there, fighting for her life, again, because of that spell I cast on her. The woman I love could die because I was too stupid to wait until she woke up. What kind of idiot am I? I just wanted to talk to her again, to let her know that I loved her on our anniversary. Couldn't I even have that? It's my first one. I've never had an anniversary before, not a one year anniversary anyway. None of my other attempts at relationships ever lasted long enough to have a one year. I was lucky if we even made it to a month.

So now I find someone I actually love enough to have a one year anniversary with, and I have to spend it in a hospital room waiting for her to come out of a coma. I had to do something. How else was I going to have an anniversary?

Slowly, the tears I've been crying for what feels like hours stop coming so hard and fast.

But of all the things that could've happened because of the spell, I never expected this. It's not what I wanted. What the hell did I do?