Just a College Girl (girlxgirl) (Book 2)

Weak Moment

I don't get it. I don't get how she could do this to me. Aren't I enough for her? Doesn't she love me enough to be with me like we've always been? Why does she have to care what I decide to do with my life? What does it matter what I do with my life? Isn't that my decision to make? Can't she just let me make it and love me no matter what I decide?

I don't understand why everyone has to be so concerned with my future and what's best for me. It's like, everyone around me won't shut up about it when all I really want it to do is go away and not have to think about it for a while. Buffy's concerned about it. My teachers and school councilors are constantly talking about it in school. Most of my friends were all talking about it before everything happened with that demon. And every time I called Xander, or Willow or Giles for advice on something, unless there's an apocalypse or something, the subject of my future always seemed to come up one way or another.

I thought Faith was different though. We almost never talked about it. And when we did, I was the one that brought it up. She always made me feel so good that way. Almost like I could talk to her about absolutely everything without having to worry that she'd look at me funny or hate me. That didn't really stop me from freaking out about all sorts of different things like what happened with that guy Craig a while back, but it made me feel safer than I do with Buffy or anyone else. Now all of the sudden it's like my future and what I do with it is the absolute most important thing in the world to her and she's not gonna let me decide for myself.

It doesn't make any sense. Why does she have to care so much? Why does it have to matter so much what I do with my life? I thought the whole point of me having so many choices is that I got to choose for myself what I wanted to do. But no one seems to want to let me do that. They all seem to think I should do what they think is right, instead of what I think is right. Not that I really have any idea what I think is right, but with everyone telling me what's right, how the hell am I supposed to figure it out for myself? Faith was the only person I thought I could think for myself around. But now that's not really true anymore.

Maybe Faith isn't as great as I thought she was. Maybe we're not as meant to be as I keep feeling like we are when I'm around her. If we were meant to be then she'd be able to get past this whole 'what's best for me' thing and just be with me for me. She wouldn't be so concerned about where my life is going and what I'm going to do with it. None of that would matter and we'd just be... us. But she's not. She's being all noble and trying to do 'what's right'. I kinda hate her a little for that. But what the hell could I ever do about it?

"Mmm, cookie dough..."

Looking up from the couch, I see Candy taking a bite of one of the cookie dough tubes she has in her hands as she comes over here.

"I love cookie dough. It always tastes so good no matter what."

She plops herself down on the couch next to me, suddenly getting a little embarrassed.

"Sorry, went a little Homer Simpson on you there for a second. Here."

My best friend hands me the uneaten tube of cookie dough and I take it, looking down at it mindlessly for a second.

I don't know why she's giving me this exactly, but it'll probably help. I always feel better after eating cookie dough.

Opening it, I take a huge first bite, the taste of it instantly giving me a good feeling.

Mmm...

"Soom goodlef..."

Candy takes a smaller bite as she seems to watch me chewing.