Reaper [Zarry]

death fourteen

He cries out in his sleep, grasping for something seemingly unattainable and he clutches onto my hand, fingers clammy, beads of sweat trickling down his pale forehead. His thick curls are plastered to his face, eyelids covered in a thin layer of perspiration.

"Babe," I shake him gently.

He whimpers pitifully and I feel my heart shatter as it slams against my ribcage.

"Angel," my fingers card through his hair. I kiss the corner of his mouth and his eyelids flutter open.

His eyes are wide, cheeks flushed. I caress his cheek and he shivers.

"Your fingertips are cold."

Green eyes wet with tears, I tuck him into my arms and gently rub his back.

"It's okay angel. I'm right here. What's wrong?"

"You went through with it," he chokes. "Twisted the knife, blood sputtering everywhere and you were s-so cold. Please don't leave me," he sniffles. "I don't want to lose you too Zayn. I can't."

I'm stone cold as is, swallowing thickly because death will take him away from me soon and-

I'll take his life away.

My teeth bite into my tongue as I blink back tears.

He doesn't deserve this, he's having nightmares about losing me when I'm the fucking nightmare.

My hand trembles as I touch his face. Black and poisonous but he's so innocent; so unsuspecting I wish I could swap places with him.

I'd do anything to steal that hurt, to make the pain disappear.

"Zayn," he says softly. "Believe me when I say this. Please," his voice strains. "You are worth it. You deserve just as much happiness as me, if not more. Your heart is big and full of love and compassion."

I'm a cold-blooded killer. What would you think if you knew that? Would you run away? Would you try to escape me?

I wish you could. Get as far away from me as possible, start sprinting and don't stop.

Never look back.

Instead, I want him closer. We're touching in every way possible, our hearts in sync and I kiss him softly, parting his lips with my tongue. He sighs into my mouth and shivers.

My finger trails down his spine and his hands get lost in my hair. The white bed sheets look like a cloud and I swear I'm floating.

This is heaven.

"Zayn," he whispers, breath warm against my skin. "It's today. Will you be there?"

"Of course babe," I stroke his cheek.

"It's gloomy and rainy, seems pretty fitting," he sighs sadly. "She was so young. My mum was the most wonderful woman," he smiles in a heartbreaking way.

He looks so fragile, dark curls spilled across the pillow, tears staining his pale cheeks.

"I wish I would have been more thankful for everything she did for me...I didn't know it would be so unexpected-" his voice snags. "I didn't know."

He's a mess of tears, body trembling as he sobs and I feel helpless.

There's nothing I can do. All I do is cause more pain. I ruin everything. I leave destruction in my wake.

How can I provide him comfort?

"I need you," he hiccups painfully. "God, I need you." He tugs at his hair, looking at me with sheer desperation in his eyes.

•••

I watch him knot his tie, solemn look on his face. It isn't right, seeing Harry dressed in all black.

"Everything will be okay," I assure him, slippimg my arms around his waist, pressing a kiss to his neck. "I'll be here for you. Always."

That's the truth, I'll never forget Harry. Ever.

He's the kindest, most gentle soul I've ever met, not to mention astoundingly beautiful.

I love everything about him. I never knew I was capable of love yet we somehow found each other.

We need each other. He makes me realize that I'm not a complete monster, there's a soft side of me and I haven't fully succumbed to Lucifer and his wicked ways. Inside of me there's compassion and sadness...anger too. Not necessarily rage but bitterness over the cruelness of the world.

Sometimes I like what I do. I bring people peace and others deserve it.

When it comes to Harry I try to push the thought aside, tell myself he's my forever. The love we have is everlasting, we can-

We can't.

My heart falters. He feels so warm and so soft and smells of sweet jasmine and honey.

"I love you," I murmur into his ear.

He goes up to the mic, head up strong, shoulders back but loses it in a moment's time.

His body trembles, voice quivering as he says "my mother knew me better than anyone, for so long she was all I had; my only support system. She was strong, resilient and had a heart of gold. I know she made an impact on so many of you-"

He muffles his sobs with the crook of his arm. It's quiet, a mist of rain falling on everyone. Liam shuffles his feet, big brown eyes full of tears. Niall is staring at the ground, hands folded in front of him and Louis looks lost to say the least.

Harry looks at me, eyes bloodshot, heavy dark circles under his eyes. My heart keeps telling me to do something but in an instant Louis is there, hand on his shoulder, guiding him and I turn away, everything inside me shattering.

I can't watch them lower the casket or shovel the dirt around it. I can't watch someone else console my Harry.

It's all too much.

"Zayn."

His fingers skim the back of my neck, making my hair rise up.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I wanted to hold you-"

I sound so pathetic, breath hitching in an attempt to fight back tears.

"You don't understand babe."

I turn to face him and his hand is there, warm on my wet cheek.

"Louis cares and I care about him too but I could never love him like I love you. With everything I have Zayn...with my whole heart. With my life," his voice breaks.

"Sorry I wasn't there for you-"

"Stop," he begs, eyes swimming with tears. "Can't you see Zayn? You have been here for me. When nobody else was...you call me an angel. Have you ever seen it the other way around because I swear that's what you are."

It's happening, my arms enveloping him, keeping him safe. My shoulder is soaked from the rain but his head rests there anyway.

I rub the small of his back and he lets go, all the energy draining from his body. He feels limp in my arms, completely deflating and I will myself to be stronger.

For him. Always for him..

"I promise I'll be everything he couldn't be."

A/N: I'm emo