Transformers ( Bayverse ) - I Bleed Into Darkness

21 - Vulnerable To You

        Fay shifted slightly on her bed. Her muscles ached from the lack of use. She’d gone from her usual exercises on a day-to-day basis to this sort of inactivity, and it was burning her muscles. However, she didn’t exactly have much else to do. The world was bleak and broken. Whatever she’d been trying to live for was gone when she’d watched him fall. When she’d watched him perish. She missed him, even though she never would have admitted it to his face. That would have been foolish, really. Silly. And she couldn’t be vulnerable to him. Or, at least, she couldn’t let him know she was vulnerable. That would be a dumb idea. Because then . . . Then . . .

        Fay bit her lip. For whatever reason, she couldn’t actually think of a real reason that it would be a bad idea to have Optimus know she was vulnerable. He wouldn’t exploit that information, would he? He would . . . He would be a gentleman about it . . . He would be sweet . . . Kind . . . If anything, he would be more careful about it, wouldn’t he?

        With a deep breath, Fay gripped her sides, closing her eyes tightly. She wanted to see him again. She wanted him to be okay, however impossible it was. It wouldn’t matter if she said sorry now, would it? What did it matter if she said a few words even it was too late? She attempted to talk to her father and brother even though they were long gone.

        Fay began to shake despite herself. She missed having Optimus around. She missed her father. Her brother. The absence of them felt deeper than any other pain she’d experienced. Even the one that she still felt from four days ago now, when she’d run for two hours straight, not including warm ups and cool downs. She glanced up at the moon that was set low in the deepening blue horizon. It was a beautiful thing.

        And it made her remember something wonderful and terrible: the necklace that was still stashed away in her nightstand drawer, unworn and unused. She hadn’t touched it since she’d come here in order to spite Optimus.

        Now, she couldn’t imagine a more bittersweet thing in the world. Nor could she have picked a more comforting thing to have so close.

        Fay stumbled out of her bed, staggering over to the nightstand, resting on her knees as she fumbled to sift through the few contents of the top drawer. She could feel the sleek chain and cool metal that was the necklace she’d missed so long. She pulled out the glimmering piece of jewelry, and the three gleaming pendants that hung from the silver chain. The three moon phases that had affected her so much. The top one, a nearly full moon, of the night she and Optimus had first met.

        With a sob, Fay gripped the cool, clean metal close to her chest. It was all she had left of him. And it was one hell of a reminder. It broke her and soothed the the ache inside her simultaneously. Though, if she didn’t know better, she’d swear the balm that soothed her also cut the wound deeper and deeper, stinging her spark harder. She hurt. She hated it.

        Fay shifted her weight slightly and collapsed onto the floor. She didn’t fight it. She was gone mentally. Broken. The universe had taken so much of her already, but clearly it wasn’t yet enough. The sobs began to tear through her body, shaking her form and causing her to ache a terrible amount. She didn’t try to stop them, though. She couldn’t find the courage to fight the pain that was shaking her. She wanted him back. Was it so much to ask to turn back time and stop the pain that was ripping a hole in her spark?

        “I, I, I . . .” It was hard to talk through the sobs, but she wasn’t content keeping the thoughts to herself. They had to be spoken aloud. She missed him. She missed everyone she’d lost. She didn’t want to be alone anymore. “I, I mi-ss y-you . . .” She paused, then yelled, nothing but her pain distinguishable in the resonating sound. She missed him with her every ounce of being. It was a horrid and beautiful thing to feel so deeply, but to have it be such a shredding pain. She’d give so much to have him back.