Transformers ( Bayverse ) - I Bleed Into Darkness

49 - Blurred

        ~~~

        Fay ran. She sprinted through the halls, her breathing heavy as she left Malakai behind her, tears brimming against her eyes. So many things had been broken.

        Every step brought her an ache that reminded her of what she’d done. What her programming had done with her body, really. It was awful. It was haunting. Fay would never live this down. She would never be able to go back and undo this damage.

        Or maybe . . . Maybe she could. It was possible, wasn’t it? The backtrack had worked before for so many things. But Fay couldn’t grasp that flicker of energy that always powered it. Her brain was scattered every which way, and the world was still dark. Outside, the moon was nearly invisible, and vanishing by the second. Shadows teased at the edges of Fay’s vision, a familiar reminder that she was not alone. Her programming and FarLust.

        Her other half, so to speak. Or perhaps, more appropriately, her other two thirds.

        She just ran. Fay couldn’t stand those thoughts anymore. For so long she’d been terrified, running from this, and she couldn’t bear to look at what she’d done this time. All her life, she had struggled with feeling like she couldn’t always control her emotions and moods, and it had led to some poor choices. It had led to some awful things and multiple counts of property damage. Charlie had always supported Fay, but Fay had taken that for granted.

        Fay had taken so much for granted. And she had lost so much. Optimus certainly couldn’t care for her anymore after what she’d done to him.

        Connie. Connie had done those things. But Optimus couldn’t understand. No one could ever possibly understand. Fay was alone. Damaged, scared, and utterly alone.

        Who the hell was BrokenWeld and why did Fay feel compelled to find him?

        Why didn’t any of this make sense? Evidently Fay had lived through all the things she needed to know and remember, but she couldn’t figure any of it out. It was frustrating and utterly aggravating. Fay struggled just to try and make any of come to light. Coming to a short stop, Fay crumpled against the wall, arms crossed as she squeezed her eyes shut.

        “It’s not real,” she whispered quietly. “It’s not real . . .” But it was impossible for her to truly believe that the world around her wasn’t real. It was improbable for her to actually realize that she had to wake up from this nightmarish hell of her own will. Digging her nails into her arms, Fay repeated the words to herself again, trying to convince herself that it was her imagination gone wild. “It’s not real . . .” A trickle of blood began to slip down Fay’s arms from where he nails bit into her skin. “It’s not real . . .”

        “Silly girl . . .” The voice hit Fay’s ears like poison. Again, Barricade’s holoform stood near her, a needle in his grasp, the syringe full. “You ought to embrace the truth and the freedom we can give your true self. Now just hold still . . .” Assuming she’d be too disoriented to put up a fight, Barricade closed the distance, needle pointed straight for the skin of Fay’s leg.

        “No!” Fay struck out immediately, her fist hitting the dead center of Barricade’s face. The Decepticon wasn’t ready for her to attack, and certainly hadn’t expected it. He took the full blow, falling back onto the floor, needle clinking at his side.

        Hyperventilating and terrified, Fay grabbed the needle and syringe, straddling Barricade before he could get up and she held the point to his neck dangerously. “What the hell is this stuff? What does it do? Answer me!” Fay shouted, trying not to shake with the fear that was gripping her. This concoction of liquid was what she’d been injected with twice before. It had to be.