Transformers ( Bayverse ) - I Bleed Into Darkness

42 - Not Forgotten

        “Don’t touch me,” Fay muttered, pulling her arm away from the young man’s grasp. That damned sandy-blonde hair, those bright, mischievous eyes. She wanted to strike him, but couldn’t look at him without being reminded of how badly she’d snapped. How badly he’d caused her to snap, and with such ease. But she’d done it for Carrie. Fay didn’t regret that decision. It wasn’t something she would ever regret. She had protected Carrie. It was an act of good. It proved that even at her core, the Decepticons didn’t control who she was.

        But she’d taken a sick elation in beating him. And that was what disturbed Fay now. That was the reason she couldn’t look at him.

        It took a moment, but then it struck Fay.

        She remembered.

        That night . . . That night had been . . . -- what had Optimus and Charlie called it? -- backtracked. It had been rewritten. That night felt like a dream. She wasn’t supposed to remember it. She hadn’t given herself permission. Something in this boy had triggered the memory. Or perhaps it had been just a dream.

        “Oh, come on, Baby, I’ll make you scream in the best of ways,” Joshua told her with a wink, tightening his grip on her upper arm.

        Taking a steadying breath, Fay looked up.

        Several bruises were still healing on his face. Splattered discoloration still wrought his appearance. No; that night certainly hadn’t been a dream.

        And that fact terrified Fay. What the hell had she done?

        “Let go of me or I may just give you some new bruises to match the old,” Fay threatened quietly, baring her teeth at him.

        Joshua laughed. “I’d love that, Darling,” he hissed, his pale eyes flashing a scarlet red.

        Fay yanked away from him, nearly stumbling backwards. “Who the hell are you?” She demanded, studying his face. He was a Decepticon in disguise. He had to be. But she couldn’t pinpoint which one. Most Decepticons she knew immediately, but Joshua rang no bells. The fact that she couldn’t identify him was nearly as terrifying as the fact that she couldn’t truly harm him, and therefore would never get him to submit to her.

        “Oh, you don’t recognize me?” Joshua asked tauntingly, his head tilting in playful manner, the motion somehow simultaneously deadly. A deadly calm while Fay was unnerved by his presence and his knowledge. “We’ve spent so much time together, Sweetheart . . . Just let me kiss you and you’ll know precisely who I am.”

        “Hell no!” Fay spat out, but she nearly shook when he reached for her, his hands holding her face, gently guiding her to look at him.

        “Forsaking your planet’s sayings for that of this one? Such a pity,” Joshua told her slyly as he brought himself closer to her. Close enough that she could feel the heat of his breath. “Remember me, FarLust . . . You’ll recognize me so soon . . . We raised so much chaos together . . .”

        Fay couldn’t deny it. She was incredibly curious. But she would not give in to him. She couldn’t. With a swift blow, Fay brought her knee up to his abdomen, and while the young man was recovering, she struck his temple before running out of the weight room, spark pounding. She couldn’t give in to him anymore. She couldn’t give in to anyone. If she was to make it through this, she had to avoid him. She had to avoid so many. Fay nearly winced at the thought of the cameras. They would’ve caught her striking a fellow resident.

        Her stay would be extended. Most likely, there would be a hearing so she could be properly punished for what she’d done. But she could try for a case of self-defense. Joshua may not have been doing anything directly provocative, but she had been uncomfortable. Would that defense hold up in front of others? He had been coming on to her. That would show in the cameras, wouldn’t it?

        The walls had begun closing in on her. Fay felt trapped. The world was too small. They would keep her here longer. She could hardly stand the place as it was anymore. All she wanted was to escape the routine and the dangers that lay in it. How was it that she had come to this place? How had she managed to damn herself here?

        The drugs . . . Some sort of mixture that had entered her system, not only the other night, but before then. It had happened the day she’d slit her wrists. But Fay couldn’t link the two together. She hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary. She certainly hadn’t been doing any sort of concoction of drugs. The officer had said it was worse than crack. Fay recalled both days. She’d had immense energy on both nights. She’d also felt like her inhibitions had been lowered. It was unnerving to recall. That was why she’d slit her wrists. It was why she’d attacked Josh and barely held back.

        Some part of her restraint had remained, though. That was the reason she hadn’t killed him. It was the reason she’d cried as she cut her skin. It was like her personality had been numbed, leaving her with a cold substitute.

        It was irrational. But it made some sort of sense. Fay shuddered when she remembered the prick of the needle. The fluid that entered her had burned. The rest of the memory was fuzzy each time. The small sensations were all she remembered. Other than that, it was lost to her. “Remember, damn it, remember . . .” Fay muttered, trying to will the past back into her mind where it ought to be.

        Everything was beginning to feel hopeless. She was to be trapped here indefinitely, she actually found a part of herself craving whatever ‘drug’ she’d been injected with, and more than ever, she felt alone. Truly, painfully, alone.

        She wanted Charlie. She wanted Optimus. She wanted ‘Kin, though she could hardly identify the being.

        ~~~

        FarLust had stopped cursing Megatron. She’d stopped screaming obscenities. She’d stopped making any sound in general. She was tired of fighting. Tired of being helpless. It wouldn’t be long before she was reprogrammed. They were simply teaching her a lesson for now. Even if she recalled nothing of the sort after she’d reawoken, it was to give her a subconscious example.

        If she slipped up again, she would not be the only one to suffer. But after this, who else would be left to punish other than herself? The heap of offlined forms lay in the center of her subterranean prison. Far glared at it a moment before turning her helm away. She’d caused this. At the time, she hadn’t regretted it. Now, with her siblings, the ones who shared her spark, offline and gone, FarLust couldn’t help but despise Megatron for it. He may be her lord, he may be the one she was to obey, but she had ceased caring. FarLust was certain she had actually stopped feeling. Without her connection to the others, she’d gone completely numb.

        ClawKin was the only that stayed with her. ClawKin was the only one allowed to be near her, and even then, the CyberWolf was kept in chains of her own. Venting heavily, FarLust turned her helm to the wolf. The world was dark, but in it, she could see the predatory glow of ClawKin’s optics.

        FarLust wondered about her downfall. It had been such a steep slope. It had happened so quickly. Just a stumble at first, and then an utter crashing down.

        Somehow, she had offlined an army, and she hadn’t a clue how she’d done it. Only that it had happened all too naturally. FarLust had taken a great amount of satisfaction in ending them. Had adored the way they’d fallen to the ground when their sparks stopped beating.

        She’d cherished the fact that she’d avenged Khaol’s lost spark. Whether Megatron had deemed him unstable or not. In that instant, she’d avenged all the lost sparks from that batch of weapons gone wrong.

        No matter how much damage had been done, they were not forgotten.

        ~~~